June 19, 2004 0

By in Uncategorized

ok, here’s a barf-o-rama, sappy, un-rhitardesque thing that i wrote the other day. sometimes i can be really queer, & i decided i didn’t want to post this after i went back to being my usual bitter, pissed off self. but fuck it, here’s an excerpt:

in this little roller coaster that is my life, i was up for awhile. of course down is the natural precession to being up, & i knew it was only a matter of time before it would come. & it came. but things are starting to come back up again, & it’s at those times when i find myself most insightful & pensive. to switch analogies, on this highway that is my life, i took a little detour awhile back. and i have arrived at the same point in this highway that i would have originally been on, had i not taken that little detour. same situation, yes, but this detour did bring a little heart break & a bruised ego…or to put a more positive twist on it, “life experience.” but here i am. & things are starting to pick up again.

i think that all things happen for a reason. i find that this thinking brings a feeling of comfort and optimism. i find myself thinking, “wow that really fucking sucked” when something bad happens, but i know things will get better, and i always learn a lesson, or gain experience, or whatever from it. you never see it when you’re down, but you do
when things get better.

alright, enough of that. i go on & on & on. & i’ve decided that even though things seem a little better, i’ve still gotten myself into a shitty situation & i need to sort things out. blah. the main thing is, i’m a little frustrated with life right now. i’m sure everyone knows what that is like.

i decided today that i shouldn’t spend all day cooped up inside, so i walked around outside, equipped with this really tacky mini radio scanner that my dad bought at an airport. even though i’m exhausted and sweaty, i feel a little less like a worthless sack of shit excuse for a human being. it actually felt…kinda good. i think i’m going to go walking tomorrow, too. i’ll keep this up until i go back to being lazy, or it starts to get cold. we will see. but i definitely gave my body, mind & soul a bit of exercise today. there’s a nice little path by my house, and i know there are several other ones on the other side of the neighborhood i can walk down. i also plan on going hiking this summer, & i know that being out in nature will really make me feel good. sure, my problems haven’t gone away, but that knot in my stomach has, which is a start. but don’t worry, i doubt i will get into yoga or any of that spiritual shit any time soon.

hmm, i wasn’t planning on this being uberlame like it’s turning out to be. actually i was! i was going to write about all the nostalgia i felt walking down this path near my school, a path i used to walk & ride my bike on over 10 years ago. it was so different then. now there’s houses being constructed and there used to be this field and these deep woods near my elementary school. in the field there was this one circular island-like thing of trees. you would go inside & it was like this little fortress. it was so cool. my little buddies & i would hang out there all summer. & when we got a little older we’d smoke cigarettes there. but it’s gone now. some apartment/townhouse complex thing is there. it kinda made me sad…

alright, enough of this. time to watch tv or something.

& for the love of god, will someone please get me penthouse off my wishlist? i mean, come on…it’s been on there for years & i really really want it!

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