February 24, 2003 0

By in Uncategorized

no smoking!

sorry for the artsy fartsy camgirlesque cam image, but it just happened that way, honest! but yes, it’s true. i am a nonsmoker. well, until i relapse in a few months. just kidding. i’m a stubborn bitch, i plan to quit for good…with the occasional smoke every once in awhile while i’m engaged in sinful college activities. i know that’s not the right outlook, but you can go fuck yourself. i need to break the physical & psychological habit. then once i can do that, i’m confident in my will power to be able to be naughty every once in awhile, if say i’m out at a bar. of course, they say that one cigarette after months of being smoke free is what draws you back in & that it takes like 239057092375 times before you actually quit for good, but hey, like i said, i’m confident in my plan. but either way, this is kinda shitty cuz i’m gonna miss it. i decided this year that i wanted to quit smoking…i’ve never tried or had the desire to before, but i just realized that i really don’t like doing it anymore & i should just bite the bullet & go for it since i had this strong desire to quit right then. why put if off?

i’d like to thank my sociology of media professor. obviously i’ve known about the bad bad things that evil cigarette companies do, & how they don’t give a shit if you die as long as they make a buck & can lure someone else in to take your place. i know that we are all being seriously manipulated by the media & authority figures, & that capitalism is really immoral & greed driven & this really bad. i knew all this before i took this class, but for some reason i actually really listened. & started thinking. & it hit me. cigarettes control me. i am willingly killing myself & ok with that. & it freaked me out. & i decided to quit on sunday. it’s strange how these things happen. you hear the message, you go ‘yeah yeah i know i know’ but then one day you truly realize. it’s nice when it happens. so i strapped my nicoderm patch on my ass, stocked up on candy, & said I WILL DO THIS. i’ve got a month of definitely no smoking, while i think of creative places to stick these patches. i’ll work on the mental habit deal…no cigs with coffee or alcohol or other recreational stuff 🙁 while i’m still getting nicotine pumped straight through my skin…then it’ll be easier to wean myself off the physical addiction to nicotine.

this is going to be very strange. i started smoking when i was 15, & was a “real” smoker by 16-17. my life as i’ve known it has been as a smoker. i took the shit up in high school, & you know how high school goes. & honestly, cigarettes really go hand in hand with my lifestyle. i don’t really know the life of a nonsmoker. there are so many things cigarettes go with…fuck. anyone wanna place any bets on how far i make it?? i used to suck my thumb until i was in like third grade or something ridiculous like that. my parents said i’d get my own ice skates if i stopped. i stopped cuz i wanted those damn ice skates. i need some incentive for this, too, dammit! “but rhiannon, your incentive will be your health!” bite me, i’m really fucking healthy right now. motherfucker…someone in this apartment is smoking right now. it’s probably those fat chicks my roommate brought home. i hate them. i hate them even more cuz they’re smoking around here. leave my apartment you pigs! anyway, anyone wanna share their quitting smoking stories or tips or anything like that? as long as it’s not as corny as that nicoderm cd-rom i’m down.

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