February 14, 2003 0

By in Uncategorized

i’d like to wish a happy valentine’s day to all the girls who got their period today. like me. my date doesn’t have a penis, so it’s not like it matters at all, but shit, this was real crappy timing. i’m actually not bitter about being utterly alone, of course i didn’t see any stupid couples & chicks walking around with flowers, but i just had to ride the crimson wave didn’t i. i’m still gonna have a…trippy time tonight though. this will be the best valentine’s day ever! i’m gonna have a lot more fun than those lame stupid couples who will be doing stupid lame gay stuff.


& nay’s gonna be my valentine again this year.

anyway, GUESS WHAT I DID LAST NIGHT?!?!?!?!?!?! i went to see THE PENIS MONOLOGUES!!! yes, be jealous. after seeing the vagina monologues i said to myself, boy oh boy, i’d love to see the penis monologues! & 2 years later my dream came true. it wasn’t a big production cuz it was put on by the theater department, but it was definitely very funny. & the vagina monologues were real like…girly. all emotional & serious & all “my vagina is sad because it is repressed by society” & “no really, my vagina is not this ugly gaping opening, it really is beautiful, honest!” the penis monologues were so mannish. “i like oral sex” & “i masturbate a lot” & “if my penis was an animal it would be a giant python.” dumb, cocky (haha!!!!!), & silly. just like men. it was worth waiting in a cramped hallway with gayer than gay men & theater majors for an hour. theater majors are some of the most annoying people in the planet. my roommate was ready to kill cuz she couldn’t take it. i’d really like to see band geeks & theater majors battle it out for title of the biggest dorks around.

& here’s a story to conclude with. i went home today & decided to make pancakes cuz i was hungry. i’m mixing everything up & i see this black shit. so i fish it out & it’s a dead bug. & lots of little bug eggs or something. it was fucking wrong. but what’s really wrong is that a week ago i made pancakes & ate them. i didn’t see any black stuff…but still…

already i have urban legends going through my head…i can see it now…thousands of baby bugs hatching in my stomach & flying out of my mouth. mmm! if it happens, i’ll make sure to show it on cam!!!!!!


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