December 18, 2002 0

By in Uncategorized


it felt like this day would never come.

so lets take a trip down memory lane to the day that started it all. the day that for the next year & a half would cause me so much distress & hatred for spanish speaking people. spanish 1:

mexican beavis and butthead

so today was my first day of school & i have to take a language. being that i haven’t spoken french in 5 years & i do not understand anything, i still can not take french 1. so i am taking spanish. i do not want to take spanish. i have no need for spanish. i am an american studies major. america is american & english, even with all those silly immigrants coming over & speaking their silly languages. i am being forced against my will to take a fucking foreign language. not like it wasn’t enough to have to force us to take a “different culture” class. so i take spanish. this is looking very hard. we have to write papers & ONLY speak spanish in class. um…no comprende senor? argh!!!!! so i guess you guys are going to have to send me messages in spanish. i wont understand but i wont understand in class either. i need you to teach me some catch phrases to impress my teacher with.
please teach me how to say: “eat shit you homo, i don’t understand this & i hate spanish!” – in spanish.
i mean, since we can only speak spanish in class i should at least get some participation points. i guess i should also learn how to say: “you better give me some fucking participation credit since i told you how i feel in spanish!”
i have decided that all the spanish i will ever need to know can be summed up in 3 phrases. once i know these i will be set as i will never step out of america to go to a non-english speaking country. so i really don’t need to take 3 courses of spanish that i’ll forget anyway. so teach me this & i will explain this theory to my teacher & my advisor:

“can you hold the onions? & yes i’d like fries with that.”
“you’re in america now, speak english you fucking border jumper!”
“i like to finger my asshole when i have sex with horses.” – for light conversation.

once i know these i will be set! please send me the appropriate translations & do it right cuz i don’t trust bablefish.

after awhile, i was not in the mood for funny. spanish 2:

spanish sucks i switched out of my spanish class because my teacher didn’t speak english very well. yes, even in spanish 1 they spoke spanish the whole fucking time, christ…but at least when you have an american professor they can explain things when they actually do speak english & they have some idea of what they’re doing. so i switched to another spanish 2 class at the same time with another teacher who is from spain, too, i’m sure. but it’s closer to my apartment. i’ll admit i am going to miss looking at her giant bosom that magically pops open shirt buttons & miss seeing her get more chalk in her hair, but i can’t take this “i speak think in english if you uh…do not understands ok?” crap.

attention people. there is such a thing as karma. bad things come to those who do bad things. for what bad things i’m being punished for, i am not quite sure…maybe it’s being mean to people online, or making fun of retarded people, fat people, & sorostitutes…i don’t know. but i do know one thing, god is seeking his revenge on me through spanish. yes my friends, remember how i switched out of my original class for one that was closer to my apartment? i figured it couldn’t get any worse so why not. oh. OH. IT IS WORSE. so i try to get back into my original class. IT IS FULL. for the love of fuck, kill me now please. so i manage to schedule yet another class…these are all still at 4:40 but i think after this i’d have to resort to 8 am & i wont sink that low no matter how much “less hard” the class is. & you know what i should have done? i should have sat in a french 1 class. see, i don’t speak french but since i took 2 years of it in high school only…gee, 5 years ago, they kicked me out of french 1 when i first registered for a language. but i could have just sat in, refreshed, then hit french 2 the next semester, all ready to rumble. but now it’s too late. god, i’m so depressed. “IT WILL BE ALL OVER IN JULY IT WILL BE ALL OVER IN JULY. JULY. JULY. MAKE IT TO JULY.” i must repeat to myself over & over again until my 3 semesters of spanish are over. fucking fuck fuck liberal arts requirements cunt!!!!!!

of course, i realized i would die if i took spanish 3 over the summer

the last straw (& my boycott of the penn state bookstore). spanish 3:

OH. MY. GOD. I AM SO PISSED RIGHT NOW I WANT TO KILL SOMEONE. you don’t even understand, i have been ranting & raving & screaming for the past 20 minutes. today i went to the bookstore just to check out what books i needed for class. i wasn’t planning on buying any cuz i do that like halfway into the semester. but i looked at my spanish 3 book cuz that is something i really do have to buy early. $54 fucking dollars. oh no, just look at how big the fucking thing is!

temas es retardo

so i know i’m getting ripped off. but i just found out how badly penn state is raping me. the whole book is broken up into 3 little books, 1 per spanish class. YOU CAN BUY THE WHOLE 500 PAGE BOOK FOR THE SAME FUCKING PRICE AS THE SPANISH 3 BOOK. it’s even hard cover! they sell the stupid thing on amazon auctions for even less. so basically i will be spending $150 bucks when i could have bought the big book off the net for anywhere around $30-$60.

@#%$@#%!@#$^#^$ die die die.

the bookstore can’t rip you off as much now that amazon’s around. if you take wussy liberal arts classes that assign books that some people actually read for pleasure, the bookstore can’t jack up prices, cuz everyone would go to amazon. but those sneaky pieces of shit had to go find a way to rip me off. WITH THE ONE CLASS I HATE MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. they even try to make you buy this gay tech pack THAT YOU DON’T EVEN USE. i am going to cry. & i refuse to buy my books there now. but what the hell’s the point of spending $60 on this temas book off amazon with chapters i’ve already been through?? when i’m 50 years old i will remember this & still be pissed off, i’m not even kidding. someone, please buy the rest of my textbooks off my wishlist. it’s the only way we can fight the injustices of these money hungry universities.

it is over it is over it is OVER!!!!

thanks, penn state spanish department, it’s been a blast!

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