September 18, 2002 0

By in Uncategorized

barbells ok, so i promised stories, so here’s one. back when i was working at the end of august i swallowed the ball of my tongue ring while talking to some customers. i coughed & choked in front of them all like, yeah, wassup. i tried all inconspicuously to take the barbell out while still talking to them so i didn’t swallow that too. anyway, i couldn’t hack the thing up in the bathroom so i just left it in without the one ball & figured i’d poop it out soon enough & i could get it then. yes, ladies & gentlemen, i was going to fish through my poop for my ball & put it back in my mouth. after i realized how truly sick that was, i decided to order a new one because i’m not that cheap. anyway, i’d wear the thing without the ball so that my hole wouldn’t close up. i went home to look for the 14 gauge i’d gotten pierced in originally, but i couldn’t find it. so i’d take it out when i ate & slept & all was good. until i lost it. i must have washed it down the sink or pitched it, but it was nowhere to be found. at this point i’d already ordered a new one off the net cuz they try to charge like, $30 at the stores around here, & i figured it’d be coming any day now. except that a week after i ordered it, when i was expecting it to arrive, i get an email saying it had just been processed & will arrive “shortly.” a week to process? how retarded. so i start getting nervous, all like, shit, this will close up in a couple of days if i don’t do something soon yadda yadda. so i had to resort to using my roommate’s belly button ring. she couldn’t find her old tongue barbell so i had to use this short curved belly button barbell. i soaked it in rubbing alcohol & mouthwash, but this had been in someone else’s belly button. & it had gigantic balls, & didn’t fit right, so i’d only wear it for an hour a day or something, just so the hole wouldn’t close up. but i decided i’d have to tear my house apart to find my old tongue ring, cuz i knew i hadn’t thrown it out. i finally find it, all covered in black nail polish that had leaked. BUT I COULDN’T FIND THE BALL ON THAT ONE. christ. this was getting ridiculous. but a couple of days later my new barbell came in the mail, & everyone lived happily ever after. the end.

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