September 2, 2002 0

By in Uncategorized

i am totally not gonna lie. i’ve been having a big brain fart for awhile now, hence i have nothing ever to say. that’s what happens when everything’s going smooth. you know, like, when the shit hits the fan & i’m just utterly miserable, i’ve always got something to write about. & i’m funny!! but that whole comfort zone has turned me boring. yesterday i told my mom that i’m unhappy when i have no one to torture or belittle. the whole, ‘i’m only happy when i’m making someone miserable’ deal. she took me seriously & got all upset & told me i should go to a psychiatrist. haha, i love messing with my mom. she’s such an easy target. anyway, do you know what time it is? well, first it’s labor day…a day i’m not particularly fond of. actually i don’t quite know my thoughts on labor day, but i don’t think i like it. & i wont tell you why. anyway, what time is it? the fall season is approaching quickly, & it’s no coincidence that i turn into super stud come autumn. i don’t know what it is, but i secrete a scent that’s like the call of the wild. & men from all over the world are lured in by my pheromones & try to hump me in the streets. every man within a 10 mile radius wants to get it on with me in the fall season. i kid you not, man, you can hear the howling late at night & my scent like, floats through the hot summer air. i really am a stud. so i need to go take care of that before it hits winter & i switch back to my usual frigid wintery self.

but in the spirit of writer’s block, i bring you a chickenlegs post from last october.

the key to attracting members of the opposite sex is easier than you may think. in the hunting aisle of wal-mart an interesting thing was discovered: love potion. now, this love potion is actually deer urine, but it has pheromones in it, & hell, if it can attract deer, why couldn’t it attract humans? so of course, this love potion was purchased as an experiment to test to see if it in fact could drive the ladies wild. well, the experiment went awry when it was discovered that it was one of the foulest things i’ve smelled in a long time. yes my friends, highly concentrated deer urine is stinky. now, that’s not to say that it can’t attract members of the opposite sex, it was more that no one wanted to spray it on themselves to find out. could it be that even through the stench people would still be attracted to you & think “dear god, this person reeks! but i…i want to have sex with them!” well, maybe this experiment will be put on hold until we can find someone drunk enough & willing to spray this stuff. but this got me thinking. hmm, if deer urine contains pheromones to drive other deer wild, does human urine work the same way? i mean, we all know what pheromones are, it’s your “scent” so to say & apparently they secrete from your body & get even the nastiest of people laid. check out the people at wal-mart if you don’t believe me. it’s either pheromones, slight mental retardation, or a lot of fucking alcohol.
back on track, these pheromones come from something. lets see…sweat? i’m giving that a no…b.o. is a turnoff. a bigger boner killer for the fellows if it’s their gal’s smelling like a trucker. *cough*me*cough* ok, does it secrete from shit? i’m also thinking no unless you’re in japan. blood? nah, doctors would be humping their patients in the middle of surgery. saliva? possibly. urine? i think we have a winner. ever wonder why people enjoy golden showers? i think they know something we don’t. they know about the pheromones & want to keep it their little secret so they just go along with the “yeah i like golden showers because there is something wrong with me & i have unnatural, disgusting sexual desires” bit.
that must be it. if i wasn’t so lazy i’d do some research on yahoo to see if anyone has tested the relationship between urine, pheromones, & raging hormones. i’d be tempted to rub urine on myself & head on out for a night on the town to test my results. but i don’t drink enough water so it’s dark & sometimes cloudy. so this is my challenge for you chickenleg readers. i have a feeling a good few of you are hurting in the love department. so why not test this out? i’m sure it couldn’t possibly make your life any worse. & besides….pee is good for your skin. softens it or something.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.