May 23, 2002 0

By in Uncategorized

the poontang clan goes down more than discount hookers but it’s ok cuz i like it. i like it a lot. the site, not down time, or hookers. well, hookers are ok. but strippers are cooler. anyway it’s time to bitch bitch bitch again cuz i’m moody. i think i’m premenopausal or something. i swear, all i see are menopause commercials everywhere & it’s freaking me out. or maybe i’m pregnant. have you guys seen that first response commercial where the chick’s running in the park & she’s all like, “i can’t seem to concentrate…could i be pregnant?” what the fuck is that???? what person thinks they’re pregnant because they can’t concentrate? “hey guys i had these weird trippy visuals & i was hearing the colors man…could i be pregnant?” bah, gayness. that’s what you get for having the tv habits of a 70 year old woman. soap operas & game shows (who saw the outrageous game show moments last night on nbc?????? it was so rad!!). i’m bombarded with baby diaper & funky disease/health insurance commercials all day every day. gosh, i really can’t seem to focus, i’m all over the place here today. i must be pregnant.

back to bitching. so i went down to my realtor yesterday to take care of that bullshit releasing fee. when i get there the lady asks me if i had found the person taking over my lease or if they had. i said they had & asked why & she told me it only would have been $100 instead of $225. well thanks a whole fucking lot for telling me. i would have tried to find someone for like a week or something. god dammit i hate those people so much. or had i at least known about this, i would have lied. she told me the name of the chick who was leasing before she asked if i’d found her or not. @!$!%!%!@!~%@# you evil people. & remember how much i hate my cheap cheap ugly barf-o-rama checks? well guess what…they also came carbonless. i am the notorious check bouncer. if you ask me to balance my check book i’d think you were asking me to get it to stand up on end on the table or something. at least before i could figure out a ball park range of how much money i had in my account & i could go back to look at all the checks i’d written to see if i could possibly bounce another one. but oh no, with my memory i’ve already forgotten how much money i’ve spent. you know, if i could look back i could do the math & be ok. for the love of god had someone told me my checks would be butt ugly & didn’t come with carbon i would have paid so much more. hell, i wouldn’t have even ordered them from the bank since i was informed after the fact i could order them much cheaper on my own. ignorance is not fucking bliss!! ignorance is people ass raping you out of your hard earned money (or your parent’s hard earned money)!

oh, & i fell on my ass in front of a customer at work today. that was so smooth. see, being mega bitch, i love to be all authoritative at work yelling at people because i can. so while everyone was crowding in the wrong way in the room, & blocking the appropriate lane of travel i stood up & yelled, all in power trip mode “everyone who is waiting for their card needs to move up!” & i go to sit back down & my chair was all pushed back & down i went. it was kinda cool cuz i sat down all slow but still couldn’t stop it. it was like slow motion. & man, i was like oh fuck i don’t believe it. that’ll show me. but mind you i’ll still yell at people because it makes me feel good.

golly, i had this post all worked out last night. see, i never ever have anything to say when i feel like i have to update. but then when i’m in bed trying to sleep, all these ideas pop into my head. but then i forget them & stuff. but yeah i was gonna ramble on about how i am the shoe mack daddy. you know, carrie bradshaw eat your heart out with your 198509823 pairs of $400 shoes. cuz i found this adorable pair for mad cheap. so i got them at wal-mart, shut up. they’re cool. & i didn’t spend a lot of money! i don’t care about shoes. i have like 5 pairs & wouldn’t know what to do with 10. see, but i wanted some cute, strappy, trendy, little shoes that show off my tattoo & weren’t too expensive. & i found this pair at wal-mart. i was gonna brag about them, but i decided to wear them today & now my feet are raw, bloody, & blistery. ok not bloody, but they fucking hurt! i also got to walk around a lot today to make it feel even better! anyway, it’s time to go make mashed potatoes & laugh at naked dudes.

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