Archive for January, 2002

January 20, 2002 0

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where do jodee & friends find all that cool stuff??

the new olympic sport & all your olympic needs are here. i love utah & i love mormons. oh, i also like to watch ice skating. yep.

welcome the new ladies over at chickenlegs who are writing so i don’t have to (as much).

January 18, 2002 0

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someone please put me out of my misery. it’s thursday night & i’m home, not at a party, & doing homework. even cu is lame right now. last night we made up a game called “where’s wanko?” after the ever popular “where’s waldo?” see, you spot some dude stroking the salami & whoever sees him first & outs him, yelling “jerk alert!” gets a point. & you see how many points you get. fun times. yeah so anyway, i’m here & this is not cool. i have to work on my global warming chart shit & spanish. i have to write some journal entries about myself. i should impress my professor with exciting vocabulary like “lesbian” in spanish. so, i’m gonna go write this & try to get to bed somewhat early so i’m not tired tomorrow night.

January 17, 2002 0

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i have a fear of getting hit by a door. i also have a fear of getting hit by a car, but that’s something that can be avoided when you look both ways when crossing the street. back to doors. there are a lot of double doors in the dorms, & while i don’t live in the dorms, i walk through them (illegally since i need an escort) & these doors are deadly. what is traditionally known as the in-door (door on the right) & out-door (door on the left) has become null & void. while i still walk through the right door, numerous times stupid people have gone through the wrong door almost hitting me. it is going to happen someday, i can feel it. let this be a message to all who don’t follow the rules of door entrance…use the door on the right.

weekly world news

i love weekly world news. oh how i love it. i am seriously thinking about getting a subscription because it is that entertaining. lets take a look at some of the winners from the personal ads:

FOR THE FELLAS:

TX. White female, 33 seeks Black male. Must be non-abusive. Will relocate for right man. Truckers welcome! Photo first letter.

KY. Correctional institute inmate. Caramel, delightful, young, sexy seeks older gentleman who’s enthusiastic and optimistic about life. Age/race unimportant. Come share my world of happiness.

i hope to be in a world of happiness when i’m in prison, too.

FOR THE LADIES:

CA. Relocatable SWM, 51, slim, shy, meek, lonely seeking love. Low education, minimum wage. ISO female devoted to the occult, spirits, invocation, magic, 25-45, LTR.

hmm, i do like tarot & astrology & he will also come to me! & the whole minimum wage thing? please…i’m not materialistic. my love don’t cost a thing.

& for more reputable news, the onion finally has a new issue! i’ve been waiting so long for this day to come & now it’s here! bye!

January 16, 2002 0

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dancing joe paterno

hi, i like to make animated gifs of me dancing around with cardboard cutouts in my spare time. sometimes you do strange things when you’re strapped for things to write about. i got the idea from here. yes, a blatant rip off that’s just a lot shittier & not even flash. but i like this site, liquid nation. imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. if you open up the celeb cutout site & get the music going while looking at my gif then it’s kinda cool. i have decided that i need more cutouts. they’re pretty expensive & i dunno where i could put them all, but i don’t care, i want more! i also want one of myself some day. i can die happy the day i have a bitchin’ life size cardboard cutout of TEH RHITARD.

my jell-o pudding snack expires january 14. it is now currently 1:15 am january 15. what do i do?!?!

January 14, 2002 0

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it’s true. the early bird gets the worm. the early bird also gets the books, too, aparently. as a true procrastinator, i simply can not buy my books before classes start. i’m here all year round, i could get in, get out, avoid the rush, & even buy those used paperback books that are like $5 off the regular price of $85. but no, i like to make things harder on myself. as i’ve mentioned before i like to drop classes because i like to pick the hardest ones & i don’t want to deal with waiting in absurd lines trying to return my books. i also don’t read my books, so i tend to wait until i know i’m sticking with the class & absolutely have to have the books before i go out & buy them. & hell, at that point there’s usually not such a rush at the book store. but you would think that after how many semesters i would have learned by now…i think i should go buy my books early because every year i wait & every year i find out that the books i need are never there. actually, i should just boycott the buying of books at school because those evil money grubbers don’t deserve anymore of my money. it’s amazing that i go out of my way to hit the book stores only to get pissed off when this whole time amazon was sitting here, beckining me to order my books without so much as lifting a finger. the light bulb just went off, see. oh procrastinators of the world unite.

i love amazon

i know you all know that commercial where the guy comes home to his apartment & the kitchen’s all torn up so he thinks someone broke in or shit…& it turns out his girl was having a little trouble finding the coffee. they speak in french & it’s really exciting cuz french is a such a romantic language…err yeah, so we’re talking about coffee. seems a bit much to go apeshit tearing your place apart trying to find some coffee, right? no! how wrong you are! i have never run out of coffee, thank god, but i have had other coffee related troubles. “oh shit, i don’t have any sugar.” i am one of those people you could say that likes their sugar with coffee & cream. i’m sorry guys, i’m almost crying at the thought of what happened to me yesterday…i made my cup of coffee & i didn’t have enough sugar…it’s really upsetting. there have been times where i’ve looked high & low, ripping things out of drawers hoping to find sugar packets i’d stolen from denny’s…only to realize there was no sugar in my apartment. i’ve been so desperate as to drop hershey kisses into my coffee. but don’t try that, it makes your drink all bitter & kinda greasy. & this is a big problem because i don’t just take a bit of sugar…i take 4 packets in 1 normal sized cup of coffee, & 14 in a 16 oz. super cup. sometimes it’s ok because i can go to the convenience store next door, but those times where it’s just too late at night or you just don’t have the time, well, it’s horrible. it’s an addiction! but it’s ok now, i bought a 2 lb. box of sugar last night. but i’ve learned something through this experience; next time i go to denny’s i’m swiping some emergency sugar packets & storing them away in case this ever happens again.

January 13, 2002 0

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the other night i was up at 6 am like usual & instead of going to bed, i found something to watch on tv to keep me up even later, like usual. tracey takes on is such a great show. i hardly ever watch it but when i do i love it. in living color has to be my ultimate favorite comedy show though. damn fx for not showing it anymore.

if i could do anything with my life, i’d do something like those shows. i’d love nothing more than to dress up as crazy people & be funny on a tv show. yeah yeah, it seems that all cam girls are like “omg i soooo wanna be an actress or a model because everyone online says i’m so hot & i could be soooo good! lol!” but this of course is a wish, see. i’m not quite at the point where i’m living in a fantasy world thinking that shit will actually happen. but seriously, i would love to do that in a heartbeat. not for the fame or the money….just because it’s something i’d love to do. just like survivorcam. i would have done it for free, just to be able to go nuts with my costumes & props & have people see it. so as long as it paid the bills i’d be set. but i see a more likely future of me working some 9-5 office job & hating it. yes, i have not let the american dream warp my mind. maybe i’ll find some rich man to support me while i stay home to be soccer mom. but something tells me that’s wishful thinking too. well, at least being supported. i could easily go get knocked up & have a bunch of babies to take care of, but i’m sure i’d end up drowning them. come on, who wouldn’t?

the bitch is back! it’s weird too since last night at this party i met some australian dude. & i told him i had a friend who lived in australia. i left out the online part of friend, though, to add some credibility. riiiight. so go see livian. we’ve all missed her.

oh, & guess what? my third spanish class ended up working. 3 is a charm. i figured it’d either go that the third would be the absolute worst or the best. but my professor is american, & seems like a fun guy. the only thing is, i’m seriously lost. i don’t remember that much from spanish 1 & they pretty much start up where you left off before. come on now, i got a C+ how do you expect me to do ok in spanish 2? i could just spend time reviewing over the stuff i did last semester but i think i’ve pretty much brainwashed myself into hating spanish & refusing to learn it. but i definitely like this whole one class on monday bit. like a transition after the weekend to get back into the routine of school. a year & a half & then i’m done. it’s scary. very scary.

January 11, 2002 0

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so it looks like artfag’s in my mythology class after all. i guess she was just looking for any excuse to sit near me, “accidentally” touch my leg, & call me up for late night “study sessions.” it’s good to know that i’m being watched. “I SAW YOU COME INTO CLASS LATE” im’s are really fun. i feel all stalked-like & shit. but yeah, so i was late for class yesterday. see, i was having a bad case of the anal babies. it’s that time of the month & you girls out there should know that means an excess of soft poop. but this was no soft poop. i had to go. & it wouldn’t come out. i’m talking about a rocking back & forth, pushing up against the walls, screaming, spreading cheeks type episode. you know how you’re pushing so hard you think you’re going to burst a blood vessel? i think that’s how i’m going to die. i dunno though, cuz usually i just have mad diarrhea. i wanna know what i ate to get this boulder poop. anyway, you know you can’t just leave this giant turd ball in your butt if you can’t get it out. when you can push it half way out & then have to suck it back in it’s really uncomfortable. so i probably should have just made some coffee & smoked a cigarette…it’d be flying out. but i wasn’t getting up…i’m persistent like that. & finally after pushing & grunting & pushing & grunting it came out. i gave birth to my anal baby. it made a funny plop/glunk noise when it hit the water. then i got up all weak & tired & had to speed walk to class. god. this was like a less painful version of child birth. i’m so not having kids ever.

dedicated to sheila

January 10, 2002 0

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spanish sucksattention people. there is such a thing as karma. bad things come to those who do bad things. for what bad things i’m being punished for, i am not quite sure…maybe it’s being mean to people online, or making fun of retarded people, fat people, & sorostitutes…i don’t know. but i do know one thing, god is seeking his revenge on me through spanish. yes my friends, remember how i switched out of my original class for one that was closer to my apartment? i figured it couldn’t get any worse so why not. oh. OH. IT IS WORSE. so i try to get back into my original class. IT IS FULL. for the love of fuck, kill me now please. so i manage to schedule yet another class…these are all still at 4:40 but i think after this i’d have to resort to 8 am & i wont sink that low no matter how much “less hard” the class is. & you know what i should have done? i should have sat in a french 1 class. see, i don’t speak french but since i took 2 years of it in high school only…gee, 5 years ago, they kicked me out of french 1 when i first registered for a language. but i could have just sat in, refreshed, then hit french 2 the next semester, all ready to rumble. but now it’s too late. god, i’m so depressed. “IT WILL BE ALL OVER IN JULY IT WILL BE ALL OVER IN JULY. JULY. JULY. MAKE IT TO JULY.” i must repeat to myself over & over again until my 3 semesters of spanish are over. fucking fuck fuck liberal arts requirements cunt!!!!!!

ss094: hi

rhi 81: HELLO

ss094: i must say a few things.

rhi 81: HIT ME

ss094:

1) a 21 year old cam girl is laughable. get a fucking life.

2) shave your fucking armpits you disgusting waste of flesh.

rhi 81: I LOVE YOU

Previous message was not received by ss094 because of error: User ss094 is not available.

talk shit to me, i don’t mind. BUT, don’t be a pussy & sign off real quick afterwards, loser. get some balls please.

i went out to a bar tonight. we got a pitcher of yuengling lager, the best beer in america that no one except pennsylvanians know about & then we decided to hit the liquor. i got an amaretto sour cuz i know those are good. i tried a cosmopolitan cuz that’s what they drink on sex in the city & someone suggested it…even though i knew i wouldn’t like it. & i didn’t. vodka = barf. but i now have a partner in crime to hit the bars with. oh shit!

January 9, 2002 0

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Favorite Site:

&lta href=”http://rhitard.com”&gt RHITARD.COM! &lt/a&gt k thnx nay πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™

i switched out of my spanish class because my teacher didn’t speak english very well. yes, even in spanish 1 they spoke spanish the whole fucking time, christ…but at least when you have an american professor they can explain things when they actually do speak english & they have some idea of what they’re doing. so i switched to another spanish 2 class at the same time with another teacher who is from spain, too, i’m sure. but it’s closer to my apartment. i’ll admit i am going to miss looking at her giant bosom that magically pops open shirt buttons & miss seeing her get more chalk in her hair, but i can’t take this “i speak think in english if you uh…do not understands ok?” crap.

tuesdays & thursdays are my action packed fun days! first we have mythology at 11:15 which is still tough to get to on time, where we run around with rain sticks screaming ancient chants while rubbing pig’s blood on our genitals to summon gods. ok, we don’t, but that could be fun. then it’s time for the journey across the tundra to the outer boundaries of campus to the ees bl. what is that? i don’t know. it’s the strange new building on the west side of campus. it is the farthest building away from me. that is where i have my science class where we learn about global warming & make pretty maps. there are freaky science people in that class & they scare me. especially the albino fat kid sitting in the front row, dead center who held a campus map 2 inches away from his face most of the period. i shit you not, i couldn’t wait to get home to write about it. my mom got me into that class.

it then takes me 45 minutes to get home, which is downtown & about 15 minutes from most normal places on campus, but i make it in time for days so it’s all good. read about my hilarious loop adventures over at chickenlegs (that is, when i write it). it’s amazing how much fun & excitement can occur just trying to get to & from this class.

then i have a class which is 3 hours long on wednesdays & i miss days. fucking ass. but it looks ok except for the “short” term paper of 8-10 pages. did i miss something?

yeah, well tell artfag what a gay lord she’s being by not taking a class with me. she’s trying to be miss smart i love school girl this semester.

tonight i go out & function in society, something that has become far & few recently. yay for candiflyp, groupies, getting drunk on school nights, & avoiding scary hick men.

January 8, 2002 0

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dude, woah. go visit this girl right now. she gets the rhitard stamp of approval, & trust me folks, this is tough to come by. i like pretty sites with a lot of stuff. there is so much junk here that you could spend hours looking through it all. & i mean junk in a nice way, as there’s tons of junk on my page. seriously though, every little section of her page has a completely different layout. i love it. i love it. not to mention it was made by a girl named dawn (every dawn i’ve known = psycho stupid bitch…shut up, you know you all have something against people with a certain name) <3 interweb dawn! gah, look at me gushing over this find...you know i don't do this. ever. p.s. did i tell you i hate spanish? spanish has bypassed math in the ‘shittiest fucking class ever that i’m being forced to take’ category. tomorrow’s my “big day” so like, expect to hear my dribbling about how classes are. can it be any more exciting?