Archive for May, 2002

May 31, 2002 0

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From: “chris cox”

Subject: hey

To: rhiannon0@yahoo.com

hey i was on your site and it said click here for my
nudies , so i did and it gave me your email addy. so
can i have somenudies pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese, ill do
just abut anytihng exet pay for them, im not short
of begging haha, anyway i jsutwanted them cuz i
think you arethehottest cam girl i have ever seen,
and i hae some pics oo if you wanttotrade. hope to
hear from you soon. bye bye……..chris

this guy gets the award for moron of the day. i can see how he might have been misled by all the porn links i have. i’m sorry that they’re all over the site & i’ll promptly fix the link so that it shows my nudies. mistake on my part. & also, i’d like to thank you for making my day. it’s like breathing a fresh breath of air finally knowing that people will do anything except pay money to see me naked. i’m glad i never pursued a stripping career cuz that could have ended in disaster. so thank you for letting me know my worth, i appreciate it. please, send me pictures of your freakish penis & be my best internet friend for life, because that is more than an even trade for naked pictures of me.

so anyone who’s bored at work feel free to send this guy some naked pictures of obese people & herpes cocks, to honor his award.

& i couldn’t help but notice that my cousin in law also has the same name. i really hope this is a freak coincidence.

anyway, is it wrong of me to actually want to work? the job’s a fun job i guess, even though they’ve put me back on sucky task duty. but i’ve just really wanted to keep busy to focus on other shit (well, & make money cuz this is my only shot at making some bucks to spend out at the bars all next year). what i really like though, is that this year we finally got a nice stereo pumping out tunes during the day. we started off having to listen to the lite station, but then i convinced the guy who owns the radio that the rock station bleeps out naughty words. & they do…half the time. so we finally switched over to a decent station. & not only that, it seems people have taken a liking to my favorite station in the world, 93.7 the bus. all classic rock, all the time, baby. so my day pretty much consists of waiting for my dose of pink floyd & led zeppelin. but a strange thing happens…when a song i’m dying to hear comes on, that automatically means the phones start ringing & customers come in. it never fails. but at least we have music now & i get to climb aboard the bus for my no-repeat work day!

jeff brown <-- last year i made a penn state id for jeff brown,
of biddle & brown in the morning! i am so cool!!

the bus

p.s. captain obvious says i have new cam url so if i’m on your portal or what not change links cuz broken images are no good. & all this would not be possible without the generosity of leo at cheappornomusic.com. that’s such a cool name, no? so go say hi.

May 29, 2002 0

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cheetah kitten yesterday i had to put my cat to sleep. if you’ve never seen anything die right in front of you, let me tell you how creepy it is. it’s creepy. & if it’s a pet you’ve loved with all your heart for the past 17 years, well, it’s pretty upsetting to say the least. i had this adorable picture i wanted to post, but go figure it’s gone forever thanks to my skills at saving pictures when reformatting. realizing it was gone last night put me in hysterics & i was the blubbering idiot. ever since the shit hit the fan last weekend, to say i’ve been a tad emotional lately is a bit of an understatement. although i had to burst out laughing in the midst of tears when i checked my mail last night. see, last week i went on one of my free sample binges. i go around to all these websites & order free shit. it doesn’t matter what it is, if it’s free i order it. once i got diapers just cuz i could, that’s how out of control i am with this free sample thing. a lot of jesus propaganda should be heading my way soon. anyway, last night my free video from pfizer came yesterday. “life after trauma, what every person should know.” funny no? man. so yeah, i lost 2 pictures of cheetah, actually, so i had to resort to using the last pictures i ever took of her…torturing her for survivorcam.

let me tell you about cheetah. my dad found her in this field a good 17 years ago in the middle of winter. he brought her home & i named her cheetah cuz my first grade ass was obsessed with cheetahs & she was calico…so close enough, no? she pissed on my bed that night. & she had this oozing hole in her neck. we never did figure out where it came from & we tried to give her surgery to close it up but it never did. frankly she was a raging bitch cat. she never sat on my lap, she didn’t like people, & was only nice to you if she wanted something, like to go outside or eat. my neighbors best described her as the serpent in their garden of eden. she didn’t bother leaving dead animals on our doorstep, she just ate them, like the killer she was. we used to put bells on her collar to save the little innocent rodents from her wrath. but you know what this cat did? she’d get the bells in her mouth & silently stalk her prey. then at last minute she’d pounce, letting go of the bells & chomping up those little rodents. when my grandmother died, her cat simon moved in. he tortured & harassed poor cheetah to no end. & of course now i feel like the big asshole for trying to take cute cam pics with the 2 of them together with me. they tried to rip each other’s heads off. when i got my first apartment one summer i brought cheetah with me of course. one of my fondest memories was when she escaped one day. i left the door open so that she could get back in & i don’t know what the deal was outside, but there was this horrible smell that was like a combination of shit & rotting meat. & i had to leave that god damn door open. & after having that door open for a few hours i just turned around & there she was just sitting there in the doorway looking at me. when those retards over at slum corps kinda screwed me, i came back home. cheetah clawed up my mom’s walls & at about 15 years old we sent her in to get declawed. sucked for her i bet. when i moved to my current apartment i had to leave her at home since i can’t have pets here, but every weekend when i went home to get my car i’d spend plenty of time giving my angel some luvin. the last few years you could tell she was getting older & slowing down. my mom joked she had alzheimer’s cuz she was a lot friendlier & was always purring & meowing. it annoyed my parents to death but i found it so adorable. she got ridiculously fat & i loved to poke her belly & call her my fat poopies, booger, angel butt, stinkies, etc. etc. this last week you could tell she wasn’t doing ok…losing a lot of weight, drinking a lot of water, not eating & just sitting around. but she was still my happy kitty, purring till the end. i’m gonna miss seeing her roll around in the mulch by the pond, & lying on her back on the couch, which was a no-no. but yeah, this weekend..i knew…it was definitely time to go. i knew it’d happen sooner than later. nothing you can do, life just has a way of happening. people get ridiculously attached to their pets, & i’m no exception. & you know, it really really sucks & i’m upset, but everything’s gonna be ok.

mommy loves you & misses you a lot, princess *kisses*

cheetah kitten

May 27, 2002 0

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happy memorial day & stuff. anyway, moving on. so what’s wrong with this picture? er, i guess, these pictures…

memorial day memorial day

yeah, i got a bone to pick with waterloo. why they gotta hate? i’m sure most of you always thought that waterloo, ny was birthplace of memorial day. but you are very wrong my friends. so they have a nicer sign, big deal. those bastards are using false advertising, as the real birthplace of memorial day was established in boalsburg, pa, the quaint little town 15 minutes from state college, the birthplace of rhitard.

lets see what the copycats over at waterloo had to say about this little holiday…

The story of Memorial Day begins in the summer of 1865, when a prominent local druggist, Henry C. Welles, mentioned to some of his friends at a social gathering that while praising the living veterans of the Civil War it would be well to remember the patriotic dead by placing flowers on their graves.

yeah, i bet you got that idea from visiting pennsylvania you douchebag. everyone knows america starts here anyway.

The custom of decorating soldiers’ graves was begun here in October, 1964, by Emma Hunter, Sophie Keller, and Elizabeth Myers.

yeah, that’s what i thought. & the pennsylvania military museum totally owns you. they used to take us there on school trips & there was this one room where they had the wax soldier dudes engaged in warfare & the gun & cannon noises scared the crap out of me. i’d elaborate more on the kick ass-ness of the museum but i haven’t been there in ages & forget what it’s like. i’m pretty sure it’s cool though.

this is a tank:

tank

this is not my favorite bestest friend tank in the whole wide world, abigail, but this is still a tank. abigail i love & miss you!!

so please tell all your friends that waterloo is a bad bad place & boalsburg is the real memorial day birthplace. i mean come on, this town has a steak house with a giant bull on the roof!

boalsburg steak house

& while igor says “Boalsburg is a shithole of a town, never go there.” he lies. kinda.
May 25, 2002 0

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keeeet is keen!! so…i got reviewed for internet gossip’s e/n marathon weekend. i got a 9/10, so i guess it’s pretty obvious that i had a deal going where i’d show hoo-hoo for a link. so i hope those don’t end up on hush-hush or something πŸ™ i don’t know about you, but i’m digging these weekend things ig’s been doing. yeah well, anyways, i got the guestbook working & do a sista a favor & sign it because i want to at least look like i’m popular. & i’m pretty bummed out that i don’t have yearbook signing anymore. you high school kids, you need to take advantage of that, cuz one day you’ll realize that june has rolled around & there aren’t any yearbooks to be signed! & you’ll get all sad. so sign my year-eh, guestbook, ok? plus it took me a good 3 or 4 hours or something to get it all configured correctly.

penis pump tee hee!

Ürßañ§quìÐ: who slaps a pecker pump on at 1am on a sunday night and goes on live vid feed just for shits and giggles

rhiannon (m): have you tried a vacuum cleaner?

exocet: yes it hurts

oh, & here’s my dumb story for the day. once a long long time ago i had cute ftp. then i got rid of it cuz it kept spazzing out on me. well, i had to chmod some files & wsftp doesn’t do it (or if it does, i is dum). so i go back & download cute ftp, but it’s giving me all this attitude like, your free trial expired 3902124 days ago. anyway, i ended up just setting my clock to july 2001 so that it would work. i’d been switching on & off cuz i’d remember i had to upload something again. anyway, i was done finally & i got my clock back to 2002…but it said the 25th was a sunday. & i’m like, no! what is wrong with you????? to make a long story short it was on august. i even looked at it for a long while & saw that it was august. then looked at my calendar that says may. & may 25th is my dad’s birthday. it took me a good couple of minutes to figure this out. we’re talking total LOLing here. ROTFLMFAO even! well, i thought it was funny…

May 23, 2002 0

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the poontang clan goes down more than discount hookers but it’s ok cuz i like it. i like it a lot. the site, not down time, or hookers. well, hookers are ok. but strippers are cooler. anyway it’s time to bitch bitch bitch again cuz i’m moody. i think i’m premenopausal or something. i swear, all i see are menopause commercials everywhere & it’s freaking me out. or maybe i’m pregnant. have you guys seen that first response commercial where the chick’s running in the park & she’s all like, “i can’t seem to concentrate…could i be pregnant?” what the fuck is that???? what person thinks they’re pregnant because they can’t concentrate? “hey guys i had these weird trippy visuals & i was hearing the colors man…could i be pregnant?” bah, gayness. that’s what you get for having the tv habits of a 70 year old woman. soap operas & game shows (who saw the outrageous game show moments last night on nbc?????? it was so rad!!). i’m bombarded with baby diaper & funky disease/health insurance commercials all day every day. gosh, i really can’t seem to focus, i’m all over the place here today. i must be pregnant.

back to bitching. so i went down to my realtor yesterday to take care of that bullshit releasing fee. when i get there the lady asks me if i had found the person taking over my lease or if they had. i said they had & asked why & she told me it only would have been $100 instead of $225. well thanks a whole fucking lot for telling me. i would have tried to find someone for like a week or something. god dammit i hate those people so much. or had i at least known about this, i would have lied. she told me the name of the chick who was leasing before she asked if i’d found her or not. @!$!%!%!@!~%@# you evil people. & remember how much i hate my cheap cheap ugly barf-o-rama checks? well guess what…they also came carbonless. i am the notorious check bouncer. if you ask me to balance my check book i’d think you were asking me to get it to stand up on end on the table or something. at least before i could figure out a ball park range of how much money i had in my account & i could go back to look at all the checks i’d written to see if i could possibly bounce another one. but oh no, with my memory i’ve already forgotten how much money i’ve spent. you know, if i could look back i could do the math & be ok. for the love of god had someone told me my checks would be butt ugly & didn’t come with carbon i would have paid so much more. hell, i wouldn’t have even ordered them from the bank since i was informed after the fact i could order them much cheaper on my own. ignorance is not fucking bliss!! ignorance is people ass raping you out of your hard earned money (or your parent’s hard earned money)!

oh, & i fell on my ass in front of a customer at work today. that was so smooth. see, being mega bitch, i love to be all authoritative at work yelling at people because i can. so while everyone was crowding in the wrong way in the room, & blocking the appropriate lane of travel i stood up & yelled, all in power trip mode “everyone who is waiting for their card needs to move up!” & i go to sit back down & my chair was all pushed back & down i went. it was kinda cool cuz i sat down all slow but still couldn’t stop it. it was like slow motion. & man, i was like oh fuck i don’t believe it. that’ll show me. but mind you i’ll still yell at people because it makes me feel good.

golly, i had this post all worked out last night. see, i never ever have anything to say when i feel like i have to update. but then when i’m in bed trying to sleep, all these ideas pop into my head. but then i forget them & stuff. but yeah i was gonna ramble on about how i am the shoe mack daddy. you know, carrie bradshaw eat your heart out with your 198509823 pairs of $400 shoes. cuz i found this adorable pair for mad cheap. so i got them at wal-mart, shut up. they’re cool. & i didn’t spend a lot of money! i don’t care about shoes. i have like 5 pairs & wouldn’t know what to do with 10. see, but i wanted some cute, strappy, trendy, little shoes that show off my tattoo & weren’t too expensive. & i found this pair at wal-mart. i was gonna brag about them, but i decided to wear them today & now my feet are raw, bloody, & blistery. ok not bloody, but they fucking hurt! i also got to walk around a lot today to make it feel even better! anyway, it’s time to go make mashed potatoes & laugh at naked dudes.

May 22, 2002 0

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the coolest thing ever! herro! you were expecting jodee, yes? well you have been foiled! but here’s an update for the 0 people who informed me of jodee’s whereabouts (you uncaring shit faces). he has been FOUND! but he’s not coming back πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™ i have psychically reached out to our beloved jodee & if you would like to psychically reach him as well, i can be your channel (i will be whoopie goldberg to your patrick swayze) so send me $3.99 a minute through my paypal account, ok?? yeah so he went byebye & wont say why….i smell something fishy & it’s not coming from my crotch for once. so here’s your chance to get interactive up in this bitch!


what happened to jodee?!
he was abducted by aliens & is getting anally probed right now
he is going into surgery only to start a new site as jonay jonay!
the mafia’s after him for selling them oregano
he & bertie have run off together to produce a super azn race
he went on a shooting spree cuz you can’t have long sentences on this poll…but you can go & edit the html in blogger, so jodee really didn’t need to go gun down all those poor people at wal-mart because of the poll problem. there really was a simple solution.

current results


anyway, today is my mom’s 50th birthday!!!! woo hoo! so you all should send in pictures of your dicks with “happy birthday rhiannon’s mom!” on it (some of you might have to write pretty small) & send it to me! i’ll be sure to pass it on to my mom. it would make her day. really. & if that wasn’t enough, rhiannon (a.k.a. livian)’s mom’s birthday is today also! wow! you can kill 2 birds with one stone! or make 2 mother’s days with one picture! & if you still need more incentive, there’s boob rhiannon who probably has a mom who will probably have a birthday. so get on it!

when i took this picture i joked i was going to put it on the internet. my mom said no. so i compromised. & my dad’s birthday’s on saturday, so…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!#@!@$!@!!!!! <3

parents rule

May 22, 2002 0

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god i have the ugliest checks ever. i hate them so much & i’m stuck with them for 2 more years cuz that’s how long it takes to go through a box. you don’t understand…i sat in my apartment by myself & yelled about how much i hated them for a good 10 minutes. my last checks were nice, & it’s only now that i truly appreciate them. very simple, yet elegant, something pnc apparently has no concept of. wow, i’m thinking about scanning one of these things just so you can see. i bought the cheapest package but man, i woulda paid an extra $5 to have something that didn’t make me want to cry every time i look at them. but i can’t toss them & order some decent ones cuz i paid that $15 bucks or whatever it was. bah, it sucks being a cheapskate with expensive tastes. & it looks like i might have to take a big shit on $700. my realtor decided that it’s going to charge me $225 to move a piece of paper from one filing cabinet to another. i’m sorry i suddenly found friends 3 months after i signed a piece of paper saying i’d still live here for the 2002/3 year. gosh, my current lease isn’t even through yet. i think that after 1 week of living at an associated realty pad they should make you decide whether you’re going to renew your lease for the next year & charge a hundred trillion dollars when you change your mind the next week. & then there’s the good old security deposit that i’m not sure if i’ll get back. that i guess i’m technically responsible for & all, although the spots on my carpet were the trash bag with holes’ fault…you know, not like, totally mine. i dunno what’s gonna happen. i’m not about to get the carpet professionally cleaned & scrub this place spotless only to not get my deposit back because there’s bleach spots on the carpet. but then if i don’t do all that, i’m definitely stuck losing the $. what do you do?? hell, i’ll pay to have the place recarpeted if it will cost less than $440. fuck, man. & that’s not all. i have a cavity. well, what they call a “problem area that we might have to watch, but oh look, you’re getting your wisdom teeth sealed, so hey, here’s a filling to go with it.” they all like sneaked the filling thing in after telling me this “problem area” was no big deal. why don’t you give me brain surgery while you’re at it. & i’m horribly disfigured now because one of my back teeth decalciumized a bit or some shit, so there’s this giant brown mark on my tooth. granted you can’t really see it, but still, there’s this giant brown mark on my tooth. fucking calcium, they told us you only need it when you’re growing & when you’re old so you don’t fall & break your hip from osteoporosis. i’m sure some other bullshit graced my day, but whatever, i’m spent. so, have you had enough whine with dinner? & no, i don’t have pms. GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??

May 19, 2002 0

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what this weekend meant to me: an ode to candiflyp, internet gossip, nay, & samuel l. jackson.

you are so wonderful

you are so great

this weekend there was never a dull moment

& there were very few sober moments

samuel l. jackson made many movies

& candiflyp played many songs

even when those hicks hit on us friday night

that idiot finally bought me a drink

& even though those ig stories were short

every hour i got a dose of nay

all i know is

i love candiflyp & samuel l. jackson

internet gossip & nay are ok too

beer & the internet

make my world go round

shithead & steve bushcemi

get honorable mentions.

– rhitard 2002

i’m trying to figure out if anyone will find that at all funny. but either way i can’t lose, cuz if you liked it, then yeah i did my job. & if you didn’t like it, well, you’re a gaylord & we all know that art is never appreciated until the artist is dead, so when i’m dead you’ll see the true beauty in my work. but basically i was too lazy to write out everything that transpired in the past few days, so i tried to sum it all up in a fragmented, nonsensical way. all i know is that even though certain aspects of my summer job suck (i’m stuck doing all the shit work no one else wants to do) this summer is turning out better than i expected.

ok, so i think the cam needs to go back up. since my site’s back i can go check my stats every 15 minutes & my hits are not high! this makes me sad since you people must need that damn cam to lure you into coming here. you shallow bunch you. but well, i need a new cam host. this is why the old link doesn’t work…some freak show was sucking up mad bandwidth…like refreshing the image every 2 seconds or something. probably from one of those automated image grabber things. & then everything started to lag & yeah, byebye king-taber.com/rhi. so if this doesn’t scare you off (i dunno if this problem will happen again or not, though) & you want to host my cam, then let me know. changing links blows, but it looks like i’m gonna have to do it. so uh…yeah, cool.

& of course some daily dose of cu that just made me giggle…

johnnylegang: are you a hot girl?

rhiannon (m): no i’m a hot guy

rhiannon (m): just because i have long hair people think i’m a girl

rhiannon (m): too bad this isn’t the 70s

May 16, 2002 0

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today i saw joe paterno up close & in the flesh for the first time. & he waved at me! then he macked on some jogging chicks in sports bras while blocking traffic. he’s a cute little old man, & instantly i felt guilty about all the dirty things i’ve done with my joe pa life size cutout…

exhibit a exhibit b exhibit c



missing

if you have any information regarding jodinand’s whereabouts, please contact your local authorities. we miss you jodee! we hope you are safe & that you return to us soon! every time i drop down my favorites menu, my mouse hovers over fuck you long time & i pray that maybe you have returned. a tear sheds & my heart sinks with every “The page cannot be found” message. so if you are out there jodee, please come home! i’ll let you touch my thingy…

May 14, 2002 0

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trying to completely reverse your sleep cycle, i.e. waking up at 6 am instead of going to bed at 6 am, sucks ass. i’m so tired & the bed is tempting me since i have no real reason to be awake right now at 5 pm. sleeeeeeeep…come to me! but i have to tough it out & stay up till like 10 pm or something so i can have a full night’s rest to be chipper & perky tomorrow morning. i’m such a shit in the morning, i’m one of those people you want to slap cuz i’m obnoxiously spunky. thanks to my lab rat on meth type metabolism i can wake up & function off 3 hours of sleep…but as the day goes by i get all tired & delirious. no funnies for me today cuz i’m just too tired to give a shit. but i have my game shows & scrubs to lay me over, so until tomorrow…