Archive for May, 2002

May 13, 2002 0

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self fellatio self fellatio

i bet you can’t do that.

what not to do on mother’s day:

buy a card that day.

buy a card 30 minutes before you’re supposed to be at dinner.

yeah, so i’m the horrible child. i was going to go out on saturday to buy a card but i was called out to go drinking shortly after i woke up. & you might be thinking, well rhiannon, you had all day to get it, right? uh, lets just say that i slept a bit late. my friend called about 5 minutes after i rolled out of bed & i said i’d be there in a half hour. i get yelled at when i say i wont be there right away. so, trying to avoid the embarrassment of saying i hadn’t bathed or eaten yet, i said i’d be there shortly. & an hour & a half later, at 9 pm, i arrived to drink. you do the math. so i left card duty till today, oblivious to the fact that perhaps hallmark would be closed, & fine establishments like wal-mart might have nothing left. whatever, so today i got up early (3 pm) & wasted many hours online. when i realized i had to be at dinner at 6:45, i rushed to be out of the door by 6 pm. after leaving at 6:05, i had t-minus 30 minutes to get out to target to buy a card & get home. after getting insanely lost trying to get to target (shut up, they just built the damn thing) i get to the cards section. there were 4 cards left. no lie. my options consisted of 2 “for my wife on mother’s day” cards, something about sisters, & 1 “normal” card, the one i’d like to affectionately call the “happy lesbian incestuous mother’s day!” card. i didn’t really have any choice since i didn’t have time to go to wal-mart. so the lesbian incestuous card was it. the front of it was fine…hearts & a drawing or some shit. then on the inside it said something along the lines of thank you for being such a wonderful mother & partner! now, isn’t the term partner usually referring to your same sex lover? i don’t think i’ve ever met someone who called their mom their partner. maybe if we went to classy strip joints, & malls, & tea parties or some shit i could call her my partner…but i dunno man. weird shit. but it all worked out since that’s how it is in our family. so the lesson i learned from this was happy birthday cards can wait till the last minute, but special holiday cards can’t. i dunno what i would have done if i’d had to settle for the wife card. & i know one day this will all come back to me. when i finally sucker some poor sap into marrying me, the night of our anniversary he’s gonna remember what day it is & run out to k-mart to grab the first card he sees. then i’m gonna bawl like an idiot all like “oh my god honey, this card truly symbolizes our love!!!” little will i know…fucking holidays man, i hate them. they need to start making some cards that say “i didn’t put any effort into finding this card for you but i had to give you this damn thing because this is a day where you’re supposed to get a card. p.s. i’m too cheap to give you a gift, so all you get is this lame card.” i know i’d buy it.

in other news, artfag is now 21 so go wish her a belated happy birthday. i’m glad she isn’t here for the summer, cuz i’d have to give her a lame card or something, & you all now know how straight from the heart my gifts are.

retards

ok! yeah & my cam image is down, i know. uh, i dunno if i’m changing it or what, so i’ll just leave it for now cuz i’m lazy. so like, i’m totally not a camgirl now! respect me, ok!!

& i’m also returning to the land of the living starting tomorrow…you know, doing the whole 8 am job thing. a slave to the rat race, all to soon i’ll be doing this forever!!! yay!!! you can still buy me shit though because mr. ups man has not knocked on my door ready to deliver a package in a long time. i want the ups man’s package, god dammit.

May 8, 2002 0

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DUDE. LIKE DUDE. IF YOU CAN READ THIS I’M BACK IN BUSINESS!!!@#!@$!@$!%!!1

like, tell your friends & stuff.

so what have i been doing since this page has been down? absolutely nothing! you know, i could have had my child back up in a week, but i’m just silly & wanted it to be this way so that i would lose all my fans. & i’ll be down again for a couple weeks in mid-june. oh, & if you’re the idiot refreshing my cam image 12097509237503175 times a second, please stop, ok? ok.

so, school’s been out for a little less than a week now. i got most of my grades back & lets just say that i am smarter than you will ever be & oh, i don’t EVEN have to try. i mean, i did well & will probably make honor roll. & you know what i did to celebrate? i defied the law of beer before liquor, never been sicker. kinda funny as the weekend before i drank too much & puked on my bathroom rug. don’t you hate it how you’re thisclose to making it, but you manage to just spew. so now the rug has been barfed on twice, & bled on at least once. needless to say i wont be taking that with me when i move. other than that i’ve been maxing & relaxing in my free time, talking about star trek in chat rooms at 3 am. please don’t think i’m a loser, because we were arguing about what spock’s penis looks like & if he has sex. you know, like being perverted is cool, right? i bet those hardcore trekkies don’t bring up such nasty talk. anyway, lets keep this brief till i can get back into the swing of things.