Archive for September, 2002

September 27, 2002 0

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centralia wow guys. CHECK IT. this is the coolest thing i have ever heard. so yesterday i’m ripped as usual & my roommate says something about some gigantic underground mine fire & a whole town being evacuated. i was like, no shit, when was this? & she tells me it’s going on right now. & it’s been going on since the 60s. i’m all wtf??? not believing this. until we go on my computer. & i am introduced to…CENTRALIA, PA.

this is the story of centralia. in 1962 this landfill caught on fire, & somehow some deserted underground mines caught on fire. so whatever, the fire in the landfill is out & they figure the shit underground will burn out eventually. fast forward to the 80s. some kid almost fell 60 feet into a smoldering sinkhole that opened up under him. the fumes & heat could have killed him. & now people are starting to get sick & they’re breathing fumes & shit’s getting all funky. the coal mine fires had spread to areas directly underneath the town over the past 20 years. the government wanted everyone out of the town and bought up most of the land and homes. see, it was less expensive to do that then to put out the fire. so now there are about 20 people living there. the post office tried to take away their zip code, but everyone made a big fuss. but anyway, this is fucking nuts! it’s been 40 years & this shit is still on fire underground. a ghost town on fire. it’s straight up twilight zone freaky. but can you imagine? route 61 that went through the town has been blocked off cuz it’s been collapsing & falling apart. there’s smoke coming out from the ground & the trees have died & the town is smoking cuz it’s literally on fire! i am now obsessed with centralia! & it’s only about 2 hours away. i wanna go so so soooooo bad. well, knowing me i’d probably step in the wrong place & fall into the 40 year old burning mine shaft. that would be kinda cool actually. i’m serious, one day i want to go there…

anyway, there’s mad shit about this online, you really have to look at it. i have centralia fever!

the official site (it sucks)

this bitch has virtual tours!

a documentary site. watch the video!!

i had to put the centralia book on my wishlist. fuck school books, i need this book!!!

September 26, 2002 0

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i have blood on my hands. today i ran over a squirrel on the way home & i was sad. he just ran out from the side & i heard the bump. i looked back in the mirror & i saw it lying there. & to make myself feel worse i walked back to look at it. poor little squirrel. i love squirrels. one time i thought i might have hit one but i wasn’t sure. this is my first confirmed kill. one time i was flying down the road at 60 & i ran over something big. i swear i was airborne & damn, that thing made a thud. on the way back, i looked for it cuz i wanted to know what the hell it was, but it was dark & i couldn’t find it. so, to make myself feel better after becoming a squirrel killer & to procrastinate studying i cleaned the kitchen & the bathroom. & now it’s less than 2 hours later & the kitchen looks like a dump again. i could cry. all i ask is for food not to be rotting in my sink & the dishes to be rinsed. & it pisses me off how people can’t throw shit in the trash when the garbage is like, 3 feet away. i hate having a low tolerance for dirtiness. whatever. i’m sure i’ll go apeshit on everyone soon. that will be fun.

squirrel

i’m sorry!!!

but everything will be ok, my favorite site is back! tydrvthru!!@!#!1

September 23, 2002 0

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i was out of town for the weekend, not like anyone would know the wiser. but i was. sorry you had to look at my ugly roommate’s mug all weekend. she had to go & fuck with the cam, huh. so, before i left i changed my name on cu-seeme to LESBIAN DYKE out of spite, since she loves to go on there. haha! man, i should be registering for classes now. i didn’t know i got to do it so soon, & i’m really glad to see that nothing is being offered. i’m only hoping that very soon more classes will be offered because i’m not kidding, every class listed on this sheet that i can take for my major is not offered. i’m at a loss for words. time to book an appointment to my estranged counselor asap. i would get stuck with really shitty classes my last semester.

right, so this weekend i was in the city of brotherly love. i do think that nickname would hold over a lot better in san francisco, because philadelphia really is the city of sisterly love. i saw a lot of lesbians. i went there to visit my cousin so he could hook me up with some young doctors, but i dunno man, med students aren’t that cool. i guess that’s a good thing though, cuz i know a lot of cool people, & i sure as shit wouldn’t want them operating on me. my friends can blow but my doctors shouldn’t. kudos to you if you know what i’m hinting at. well, i had fun. spent an ass load of money, which is all right i guess since i actually went out to a real city with real clubs. i went to shampoo, philly’s biggest club & spent a whooping $25 just to get in. i’m now appreciating my town because the covers for our lame bars are like $1 & there are mad drink specials. but i got frisked at the door of shampoo, so that made my day. i also dragged my poor cousin all down south street into all the girly hoochie stores, only to buy a purse. i don’t know much about fashion, but this season’s crap is crap. i didn’t buy any clothes, & i’m not happy about that. whatever, i’m done talking about my weekend. i can’t think of any thing else worthy of mentioning & my aunt flo’s in town, so it’s time to put on the sweat pants & catch up on all my favorite cam hookers i missed so much over the weekend.

p.s. you can find livian here

September 18, 2002 0

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barbells ok, so i promised stories, so here’s one. back when i was working at the end of august i swallowed the ball of my tongue ring while talking to some customers. i coughed & choked in front of them all like, yeah, wassup. i tried all inconspicuously to take the barbell out while still talking to them so i didn’t swallow that too. anyway, i couldn’t hack the thing up in the bathroom so i just left it in without the one ball & figured i’d poop it out soon enough & i could get it then. yes, ladies & gentlemen, i was going to fish through my poop for my ball & put it back in my mouth. after i realized how truly sick that was, i decided to order a new one because i’m not that cheap. anyway, i’d wear the thing without the ball so that my hole wouldn’t close up. i went home to look for the 14 gauge i’d gotten pierced in originally, but i couldn’t find it. so i’d take it out when i ate & slept & all was good. until i lost it. i must have washed it down the sink or pitched it, but it was nowhere to be found. at this point i’d already ordered a new one off the net cuz they try to charge like, $30 at the stores around here, & i figured it’d be coming any day now. except that a week after i ordered it, when i was expecting it to arrive, i get an email saying it had just been processed & will arrive “shortly.” a week to process? how retarded. so i start getting nervous, all like, shit, this will close up in a couple of days if i don’t do something soon yadda yadda. so i had to resort to using my roommate’s belly button ring. she couldn’t find her old tongue barbell so i had to use this short curved belly button barbell. i soaked it in rubbing alcohol & mouthwash, but this had been in someone else’s belly button. & it had gigantic balls, & didn’t fit right, so i’d only wear it for an hour a day or something, just so the hole wouldn’t close up. but i decided i’d have to tear my house apart to find my old tongue ring, cuz i knew i hadn’t thrown it out. i finally find it, all covered in black nail polish that had leaked. BUT I COULDN’T FIND THE BALL ON THAT ONE. christ. this was getting ridiculous. but a couple of days later my new barbell came in the mail, & everyone lived happily ever after. the end.

September 16, 2002 0

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i just wrote the worst paper in my life. seriously, it’s bad. i think i’m gonna try to revise it & make it not so bad tomorrow, but i don’t think there’s much hope. i’m actually kind of embarrassed to turn it in, but it’s already 1:30 am & i just want to be done with this. i just don’t care. i went into the assignment not liking it & not knowing how i wanted to write it, and i thought the extension we got was a blessing. oh. it wasn’t. you could say i had a little too much fun this weekend, so when today rolled around, i was more concerned with making myself not feel like shit anymore than writing a stupid paper. this school work is driving me crazy. it’s taking up my time & stressing me out. i have some cool stories from last week to tell, but no time to tell them. i will soon though. anyway, if anyone can tell me how in the hell we raped nebraska saturday night, please let me know. fucking ridiculous. 7-40. and as i continue to kick myself in the ass for not going to that game…

September 10, 2002 0

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the dealings over at survivorcam opened up a world of opportunity for me this weekend. a world of karaoke. all weekend i downloaded any song i could think of done in karaoke style. man, the shit’s off the hook. i can’t wait till my roommates are both out of the place at the same time so i can really belt out britney & the backstreet boys. i’m telling you guys, i’m killer. i even found pink floyd & led zeppelin. i’ve decided i need to go out for karaoke night some day. of course i need to get all liquored up due to the traumatic experience from the last time i did karaoke on a cruise ship when i was like, 13.


as if i couldn’t love hooters any more…

hooters

this guy rocks

woo, anyway, i’ve been slacking on the page, i know. the ice queen’s been melting, guys. ha. & my roommates are continually feeding me pot. my classes are kinda shitty, & i had originally thought i’d end up spending my time reading the 25097301 books i have to buy. but it turns out i’m not really reading that much, as usual, & it’s working out so far. i have to write a paper for english, & i think i’m gonna end up writing about how to be a webmaster. if it’s any good i’ll stick it up here for you guys to read. hell, maybe it’ll help you fucktards to make better sites. anyway, we started growing eugene again. he gets no sun, but he’s still sprouting, the little trooper. we’re thinking about getting a whole chia garden…line up the windowsill with a ton of chia pets. now tell me that wouldn’t be cool. people would be dying to hang out at our joint then. yep yep.

September 6, 2002 0

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just do it

i am at a loss for words describing what this commercial does to me. maybe it’s cuz i was stoned outta my mind every time i saw it, but man, that shit moves me. my heart starts pumping, i feel the adrenaline rush, i want to just get up & run around & go apeshit. & i really want to be an athlete every time i see it. i don’t know if it’s the music or just the images…but nike hit this one right on the ball. this commercial is my crack. i downloaded the music & i’ve been listening to it nonstop for the past half hour. i could possibly give myself a heart attack. either that or i’ll jump out my window & run down the street & jump over the mail box or something. tomorrow i will sit at my computer for hours & hours waiting…watching…i need to download this commercial so i can watch it over & over & over again. everyone thinks i’m crazy. whatever. i’m so emotional now, i’m ready to cry. I LOVE THIS COMMERCIAL!! but come on, look at the weight lifter dude! every time i see it i think he has down syndrome! man, i wish i was in sports. then i would feel the way i feel when i see this commercial only it would be real & i’d be little miss athlete & it’d be cool. is there anyone out there who feels this way, too? i now believe in the power of subliminal messages. it’s the same as the hypnotic trance kitty gives you.

just do it just do it just doi tjust doit jjsutdoitjustdo iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

September 2, 2002 0

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i am totally not gonna lie. i’ve been having a big brain fart for awhile now, hence i have nothing ever to say. that’s what happens when everything’s going smooth. you know, like, when the shit hits the fan & i’m just utterly miserable, i’ve always got something to write about. & i’m funny!! but that whole comfort zone has turned me boring. yesterday i told my mom that i’m unhappy when i have no one to torture or belittle. the whole, ‘i’m only happy when i’m making someone miserable’ deal. she took me seriously & got all upset & told me i should go to a psychiatrist. haha, i love messing with my mom. she’s such an easy target. anyway, do you know what time it is? well, first it’s labor day…a day i’m not particularly fond of. actually i don’t quite know my thoughts on labor day, but i don’t think i like it. & i wont tell you why. anyway, what time is it? the fall season is approaching quickly, & it’s no coincidence that i turn into super stud come autumn. i don’t know what it is, but i secrete a scent that’s like the call of the wild. & men from all over the world are lured in by my pheromones & try to hump me in the streets. every man within a 10 mile radius wants to get it on with me in the fall season. i kid you not, man, you can hear the howling late at night & my scent like, floats through the hot summer air. i really am a stud. so i need to go take care of that before it hits winter & i switch back to my usual frigid wintery self.

but in the spirit of writer’s block, i bring you a chickenlegs post from last october.

the key to attracting members of the opposite sex is easier than you may think. in the hunting aisle of wal-mart an interesting thing was discovered: love potion. now, this love potion is actually deer urine, but it has pheromones in it, & hell, if it can attract deer, why couldn’t it attract humans? so of course, this love potion was purchased as an experiment to test to see if it in fact could drive the ladies wild. well, the experiment went awry when it was discovered that it was one of the foulest things i’ve smelled in a long time. yes my friends, highly concentrated deer urine is stinky. now, that’s not to say that it can’t attract members of the opposite sex, it was more that no one wanted to spray it on themselves to find out. could it be that even through the stench people would still be attracted to you & think “dear god, this person reeks! but i…i want to have sex with them!” well, maybe this experiment will be put on hold until we can find someone drunk enough & willing to spray this stuff. but this got me thinking. hmm, if deer urine contains pheromones to drive other deer wild, does human urine work the same way? i mean, we all know what pheromones are, it’s your “scent” so to say & apparently they secrete from your body & get even the nastiest of people laid. check out the people at wal-mart if you don’t believe me. it’s either pheromones, slight mental retardation, or a lot of fucking alcohol.
back on track, these pheromones come from something. lets see…sweat? i’m giving that a no…b.o. is a turnoff. a bigger boner killer for the fellows if it’s their gal’s smelling like a trucker. *cough*me*cough* ok, does it secrete from shit? i’m also thinking no unless you’re in japan. blood? nah, doctors would be humping their patients in the middle of surgery. saliva? possibly. urine? i think we have a winner. ever wonder why people enjoy golden showers? i think they know something we don’t. they know about the pheromones & want to keep it their little secret so they just go along with the “yeah i like golden showers because there is something wrong with me & i have unnatural, disgusting sexual desires” bit.
that must be it. if i wasn’t so lazy i’d do some research on yahoo to see if anyone has tested the relationship between urine, pheromones, & raging hormones. i’d be tempted to rub urine on myself & head on out for a night on the town to test my results. but i don’t drink enough water so it’s dark & sometimes cloudy. so this is my challenge for you chickenleg readers. i have a feeling a good few of you are hurting in the love department. so why not test this out? i’m sure it couldn’t possibly make your life any worse. & besides….pee is good for your skin. softens it or something.