Archive for December, 2002

December 26, 2002 0

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well it’s been awhile huh? i had to live up my last weekend at school before break, & boy was that interesting. of course i had no time to get in my christmas shopping so i’ve been a busy little beaver with that. & now it’s all over. yeah yeah merry christmas i guess. if you don’t celebrate christmas, then you’re dumb. i’m not into this happy holidays politically correctness crap. anyway, i’m doing the usual…going to see the relatives upstate, so you wont be hearing from me in awhile. & i’m spicing it up this year by heading down to nyc for new year’s eve to ring in 2003 & my birthday in a classy way. i dunno when i’ll be back, & frankly who cares. i’ve got a hot dress that my mom stole from a mannequin. she paid for it, i mean, but she stripped the poor mannequin nekkid to get me the last size small. that was fun. all right kids, i’m off to enjoy all my cool new presents & i’ll have an update for all 4 of you visitors when i’m 22. in the mean time, buy me shit off my wishlist ok? i got zip for my 21st birthday & i was sad. use up my damn voicemail, too. i have like 45 minutes left & only a couple weeks till my free trial runs out. thanks to the 2 people who left me messages. you guys are so cool. so yeah, see ya next year, & since i’m at my house i don’t have any cool shit here to keep you occupied till i return, so deal with it. have a good one!

December 18, 2002 0

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it felt like this day would never come.

so lets take a trip down memory lane to the day that started it all. the day that for the next year & a half would cause me so much distress & hatred for spanish speaking people. spanish 1:

mexican beavis and butthead

so today was my first day of school & i have to take a language. being that i haven’t spoken french in 5 years & i do not understand anything, i still can not take french 1. so i am taking spanish. i do not want to take spanish. i have no need for spanish. i am an american studies major. america is american & english, even with all those silly immigrants coming over & speaking their silly languages. i am being forced against my will to take a fucking foreign language. not like it wasn’t enough to have to force us to take a “different culture” class. so i take spanish. this is looking very hard. we have to write papers & ONLY speak spanish in class. um…no comprende senor? argh!!!!! so i guess you guys are going to have to send me messages in spanish. i wont understand but i wont understand in class either. i need you to teach me some catch phrases to impress my teacher with.
please teach me how to say: “eat shit you homo, i don’t understand this & i hate spanish!” – in spanish.
i mean, since we can only speak spanish in class i should at least get some participation points. i guess i should also learn how to say: “you better give me some fucking participation credit since i told you how i feel in spanish!”
i have decided that all the spanish i will ever need to know can be summed up in 3 phrases. once i know these i will be set as i will never step out of america to go to a non-english speaking country. so i really don’t need to take 3 courses of spanish that i’ll forget anyway. so teach me this & i will explain this theory to my teacher & my advisor:

“can you hold the onions? & yes i’d like fries with that.”
“you’re in america now, speak english you fucking border jumper!”
“i like to finger my asshole when i have sex with horses.” – for light conversation.

once i know these i will be set! please send me the appropriate translations & do it right cuz i don’t trust bablefish.

after awhile, i was not in the mood for funny. spanish 2:

spanish sucks i switched out of my spanish class because my teacher didn’t speak english very well. yes, even in spanish 1 they spoke spanish the whole fucking time, christ…but at least when you have an american professor they can explain things when they actually do speak english & they have some idea of what they’re doing. so i switched to another spanish 2 class at the same time with another teacher who is from spain, too, i’m sure. but it’s closer to my apartment. i’ll admit i am going to miss looking at her giant bosom that magically pops open shirt buttons & miss seeing her get more chalk in her hair, but i can’t take this “i speak think in english if you uh…do not understands ok?” crap.

attention people. there is such a thing as karma. bad things come to those who do bad things. for what bad things i’m being punished for, i am not quite sure…maybe it’s being mean to people online, or making fun of retarded people, fat people, & sorostitutes…i don’t know. but i do know one thing, god is seeking his revenge on me through spanish. yes my friends, remember how i switched out of my original class for one that was closer to my apartment? i figured it couldn’t get any worse so why not. oh. OH. IT IS WORSE. so i try to get back into my original class. IT IS FULL. for the love of fuck, kill me now please. so i manage to schedule yet another class…these are all still at 4:40 but i think after this i’d have to resort to 8 am & i wont sink that low no matter how much “less hard” the class is. & you know what i should have done? i should have sat in a french 1 class. see, i don’t speak french but since i took 2 years of it in high school only…gee, 5 years ago, they kicked me out of french 1 when i first registered for a language. but i could have just sat in, refreshed, then hit french 2 the next semester, all ready to rumble. but now it’s too late. god, i’m so depressed. “IT WILL BE ALL OVER IN JULY IT WILL BE ALL OVER IN JULY. JULY. JULY. MAKE IT TO JULY.” i must repeat to myself over & over again until my 3 semesters of spanish are over. fucking fuck fuck liberal arts requirements cunt!!!!!!

of course, i realized i would die if i took spanish 3 over the summer

the last straw (& my boycott of the penn state bookstore). spanish 3:

OH. MY. GOD. I AM SO PISSED RIGHT NOW I WANT TO KILL SOMEONE. you don’t even understand, i have been ranting & raving & screaming for the past 20 minutes. today i went to the bookstore just to check out what books i needed for class. i wasn’t planning on buying any cuz i do that like halfway into the semester. but i looked at my spanish 3 book cuz that is something i really do have to buy early. $54 fucking dollars. oh no, just look at how big the fucking thing is!

temas es retardo

so i know i’m getting ripped off. but i just found out how badly penn state is raping me. the whole book is broken up into 3 little books, 1 per spanish class. YOU CAN BUY THE WHOLE 500 PAGE BOOK FOR THE SAME FUCKING PRICE AS THE SPANISH 3 BOOK. it’s even hard cover! they sell the stupid thing on amazon auctions for even less. so basically i will be spending $150 bucks when i could have bought the big book off the net for anywhere around $30-$60.

@#%$@#%!@#$^#^$ die die die.

the bookstore can’t rip you off as much now that amazon’s around. if you take wussy liberal arts classes that assign books that some people actually read for pleasure, the bookstore can’t jack up prices, cuz everyone would go to amazon. but those sneaky pieces of shit had to go find a way to rip me off. WITH THE ONE CLASS I HATE MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF. they even try to make you buy this gay tech pack THAT YOU DON’T EVEN USE. i am going to cry. & i refuse to buy my books there now. but what the hell’s the point of spending $60 on this temas book off amazon with chapters i’ve already been through?? when i’m 50 years old i will remember this & still be pissed off, i’m not even kidding. someone, please buy the rest of my textbooks off my wishlist. it’s the only way we can fight the injustices of these money hungry universities.

it is over it is over it is OVER!!!!

thanks, penn state spanish department, it’s been a blast!

December 15, 2002 0

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finals. i’m dying. goodbye cruel world.

December 12, 2002 0

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let me tell you how much freezing rain sucks. it sucks cuz you fall on the sidewalk when you’re walking, & you slide all over the place when you’re driving. but i have a different problem. i have no heat in my car. so i had to go to class today, & on the way home, it was still raining & it was freezing on my windshield. now most people would turn on the defroster, but see, i can’t because i have no heat. so i couldn’t really see & at red lights i would roll down my window & real quick try to scrape the ice so i had this little spot i could see through. at least classes were cancelled today at noon, although i sure as shit wasn’t going to my 4:40 anyway.

i have a big red scratch on my face. i went to bed last night (sober) with no big red scratch. i woke up with one. i really want to know what the hell happened. this is really bothering me…

yeah, so, today i applied for a job all by myself!! the only 2 jobs i’ve ever had were pretty much handed to me, but this wont be the case anymore. i’m all proud of myself. i’d be real surprised if i hear back from them though, since my resume is certainly not anything special. at all. i think my only chance of landing a job that doesn’t completely suck is by actually going to places and meeting personally. all this online recruiting & applying crap is worthless because my resume sucks so bad! but i don’t care, i’m still gonna try. i’m going to go to the campus career center in hopes that they can find jobs for me, because what i’ve found on my own hasn’t given me much hope. the only company that contacted me was some shoddy looking telemarketing in disguise bond broker company. i did that shit 4 hours a day for 9 months & i would kill myself if i had to do it again…8 hours a day. if anyone knows of some good jobs i might have a shot at in nyc or philly, or anywhere really, tell me!!! please!

December 9, 2002 0

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bad news. i didn’t get to see strippers last night cuz there weren’t any there. at least i found out before we drove alllll the way out there & paid $15. who the hell advertises a show at a strip joint & then doesn’t have any strippers there?? i guess they were supposed to be. but they weren’t. sucks for the people who went & then found out. good news. i got to watch the sopranos. god dammit furio needs to come back so him & carmella can have a hot lusty affair. although if he ever shows his face in town tony will have him killed. god, what was she thinking? she could have just said “i’ve been madly in love with A GUY this past year.” way to go, carmella. dumbass.

i’m in a really bad mood. must be that special time in my cycle. or maybe there’s just nothing to be happy about. my health. my family. whoopdee fucking doo. school is depressing me. not just finals, but what i’ve actually learned about the world. i’m an american studies major & now i hate america. i don’t even feel like elaborating on that. but one thing’s for sure, technology is really going to fuck us in the end. while i’m not worried about a.i. & terminator shit, take a look at what will happen to the economy thanks to technology. hell, you can see it right now. machines are more efficient than human labor, and they are cheaper. who’s gonna hire you when a machine can do what you can do just as good or better? not to mention cheaper. so many jobs are being replaced by machines, people don’t have employment, & no one gives a shit. greed with the help of machines is really going to fuck us. while technology wont completely “take over” the world, because hey we do need human labor, i can guarantee that our economic situation isn’t going to improve. no one thinks twice about laying off thousands of workers to make an extra buck. better tap into that creative resource, or else you’ll have no place in the future. it’s fucking frustrating as hell, & i guess i’m seeing the light as i’m ready to hightail it out of school. maybe that’s why i’m depressed. or it’s just because i’m a camgirl, who knows.

yeah, & this is a really really ugly car. ugly cars are taking over the world, too. i really want to smack the shit out of people driving ugly cars. what is wrong with you??? why would anyone want to buy shit like this?!

ugly car

December 7, 2002 0

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it’s a wonder hell is so hot when in fact snow is hell. snow used to be cool back in elementary & high school. it would snow 2 inches & classes would be cancelled. now, since it’s not in the best interest for the university to shut down (i.e. it’s cheaper to keep shit open) we need a state of emergency mega-blizzard to get a fucking day off. hell, in 1993 we pretty much had one & the university would just not cancel classes. but whatever, i’m over that. i’m more pissed about having to drive in school & the lack of road plowing. there are few things i hate more than driving in snow. i slide all over the place & have a tendency to get stuck & i get all super tense while driving. snow is worthless. snow gets all in your pants & gets your shoes wet. snow causes accidents. snow kills. & here’s a tip for you stupid jerkoffs who feel the need to park a foot in front of someone when there’s like 6 inches of snow on the ground…don’t go crying when the car behind you slides out of the parking spot & hits your car. i hope i made a big dent you retard, & i hope you learned your lesson. last year was beautiful. you could wear nothing more than a fleece till december & i don’t think it snowed at all. but something tells me this year is going to be nothing but hell…single digit temperatures & lots of fucking evil snow.

oh yeah, & now you can leave me free voicemail! well, unless you’re calling from some weird country, then it’s not free! the hall of shame hasn’t had any new submissions in a long time, so now’s your chance.

anyway, i can’t believe i’m missing the season finale of the sopranos! but i’m going to see naked ladies so it’s ok. i’ll catch it later that night. i’m really bummed, but i’ve been waiting a long time to hit up the strip club. this will be my first time seeing naked ladies dancing around, central pennsylvania’s finest i’m sure. in canada i went to mints club to see the naked boys. it was fun. this will be fun. except it’s on top of a mountain. mountain…snow…beer…driving. fuck, i will probably die. fun fun fun!

December 2, 2002 0

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naked man cards!!!!!!! omg i <3! i've wanted naked man cards after playing cards with naked lady cards. i swear, you get attached to those gals. one of the queens was a chick in some gold outfit in the shower. she was one of my favorites & i kept getting her every deal! these are cheap naked man cards, though. no bare weewees. & they have the same picture for all the cards of a suit, so you really only have 4 softcore naked men. but it's still ok. on my way home from class i was driving behind this propane tank truck thing. on the bumper it had a sticker that read “we always stop at rr crossings” & i thought, how nice. then an ambulance came down the other side of the street with his lights going, & while all the cars down the road had pulled over & stopped, mr. propane truck kept on going. hahaha. it was funny.