Archive for January, 2004

January 30, 2004 0

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you know, i do some pretty stupid things. & i lack any sort of common sense & rationality. but sometimes i will just do something so great & clever. take today for instance. the piece of shit user-unfriendly macs at the historical society were acting up again. i can’t print things out on the good printer, & the laser printer refuses to print without smudging ink all down the middle of the paper, even when you clean it & replace the ink cartridges. so we had to get these meeting notifications out today & my only option was to print from the laser printer. i could have mailed out the smudged letters, but no, my dear…i don’t lie when i say i’m detail oriented & hard working. i can’t put out crap in the name of my organization, so i got the brilliant idea to take white-out & cover up the ink smudges all over the paper. we had to photocopy them anyway, so it was perfect. the copies looked great, & i patted myself on the back for going above & beyond my call of duty as a volunteer. god i am good.

January 29, 2004 0

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snappys well we’ve really come around full circle at snappy’s. i swear once i started wearing my pimp coat they all flocked to me & wanted to be my friend. especially the one older lady there who loves talking to me. friday she asked me if i was single & when i hesitantly replied yes, she told me that one of the snappys boys liked me & that i should come in saturday night. what wass he gonna do…ask me out on a date? i’ve decided i don’t like when people try to set me up with someone, because what certain people categorize as “cute” is more often than not really really frightening. & especially older people…they figure that if you’re both single & the same age, then it’s good to go. hey, i have high standards. yeah, well, i’m not into dating a snappy’s worker. he’s seen me, therefore i must have seen him, & no one there has made me think twice. & now i’m a bit nervous that this could potentially work its way into being awkward. i don’t want some lady harassing me, & i don’t want some creepy worker hitting on me. i had to deal with that from the ex-convict looking dude from uni-mart. there’s just something about being a regular at a convenience store. i haven’t been to snappys since friday, so maybe they’ll think i was scared off & wont bring up the subject again, & we can all live in happy snappy land. so lets hope i don’t get propositioned at snappy’s, because i think that would suck. although it would make for quite the excellent post, i’m sure. & if we have a falling out, i will take my snappy’s mug back to uni-mart to start yet another convenience store coffee cycle.

January 26, 2004 0

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i have decided that my white rapper name is going to be ice cream. on top of a successful rap career, i will have many film & television opportunities with law & order & a plethora of movies. ice cube, ice-t & even vanilla ice are proof! ice = my key to success. i’m surprised there aren’t more record label bigwigs surfing around online for hip new talent in the camgirl scene. i think i have more than proven myself to be a hot & successful commodity. i’ve even done the research!

but back in the oh-so-fucking-frustrating land of real job opportunities, i’ve finally dragged myself out of my slump & applied for a few more jobs. & i discovered i had the wrong gpa on my résumé! i was selling myself short. i also had a mistake on my cover letter for the job i got the phone interview for, too. & i boast about my attention to detail skills! i am a sham. but if i can ruin the moment now, i’d like to say how frustrated i am with things right now. not just the job situation. the everything situation. scary thing is i’m actually trying & things still aren’t working. it’s one thing to sit on your ass doing nothing & getting nowhere…but when you actually give a shit & are putting some effort in & nothing’s changing, well, it’s frustrating. i am frustrated! one cup of super motivation with some good karma on the side, please.

January 23, 2004 0

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dear penn state, you have some balls asking me to give money to the alumni association when i don’t even have a job. your degree is worthless!

in other news, i’ve recently noticed that my eyebrows are awesome. not too thick, not too thin, & for once they actually look the same! my bastard left eyebrow has always been a bit jacked, but right now they are perfect! here’s to good plucking!

& for those of you keeping track, we got the penis patch, the smoking patch, the birth control patch, the heat patch & now the weight loss patch! i see myself covered head to toe in patches in the near future…

lose weight patch

oh, & check out this website, quite possibly the most unique & interesting site out on the internet today. i’ve seen breathtaking designs on several occasions!

January 21, 2004 0

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so we went to new york city for an apartment warming party with the phi who alumni & you have to know these guys to understand the interesting times that were in store. we finally get there after our traveling mishaps to find the boys had already started drinking, which included many shots of jaeger. first we went to this cuban place where we were coerced into buying, & ultimately forced to drink a horrible horrible drink. we then go to another bar where we hang out, drink some more & play a little pool. after awhile we leave & head somewhere else, where we booze it up some more, until a little after 3 am. now, since we had such a large group, the smart people (surprisingly, that includes me) get in the cab with the people who’s place we’re all staying at. others take the cab that leads to the strip club, which i was sad i was not a part of. our buddy storm offered to pay emily’s cover charge & also buy her a lap dance, until they found out it was $25 to get in, & already 3:30 in the morning. so almost everyone eventually ends up back at home base, where this one dude is already puking like a champ in the bathroom. some people ended up getting locked out, left to beat on the door half the night.

unfortunately, sleep was something we all could have used a little more of that weekend. why boys feel the need to wake up early & yell & be loud is beyond me. i was drifting in & out of sleep, but emily & katie picked up choice conversation bits from the boys. they had been watching playmate of the apes & by the comments made, i have to say i really wanna watch this porn. other topics included balls (& not the sports kind), & the question of whether any of us 3 girls would have casual sex. ultimately, had i stuck with sociology, i could have written a fascinating thesis on the social interactions of frat boy alum.

so the boys decided to go out for wings & pitchers at around 2 in the afternoon, while us smart girls cleaned & set up for the party. we also wanted to eat, but had extreme food ordering difficulties. some of the boys get back around 7 & start passing out on the couch, hours before the party even starts. but eventually people start showing up & it’s good times…even though you hear the eagles chant like, every 20 minutes. my cousin & his girlfriend happened to be nearby, so they stopped in for a bit. there was also an office skank there, which provided most of the party entertainment. this old chick in a red sweater who worked with one of the roommates was on a mission to get some dick. she threw herself at every guy & emily decided to mention that a little loudly when the girl went to lie down on a bed with 2 passed out guys on it. she then calls her on it & starts bitching about how she heard her blah blah blah & had i not been in the bathroom, missing the whole thing, i woulda started more shit with her. i was so mad i missed it! i was in a trouble making mood (honestly, i’m really non-confrontational!).

there were about 20 people crashing at the apartment after the party. i had a bed, but emily & katie had to share a futon with 2 other boys & a living room filled with a ton of snoring boys. they would get up at night & smack them to get them quiet…even strangers!

finally sunday morning rolls around. & those shitheads are up early again, thanks to passing out early from starting to drink at 2 pm the day before. since the guys we were staying with lived literally right across the street from the real soup nazi of seinfeld fame, we go to get some soup. too bad he wasn’t open, but had he, it would have been no soup for us! i decided to go off & get coffee instead, & as i’m crossing the street, a bag lady goes “putana!” as she passes me. being called a whore by a bag lady was my most fond memory of the trip, does that make me weird?!

so that was my trip. wow, that was long, & that’s not even all! anyway, pictures are fun, so here they are. there are also some nicer digital camera pictures from my buddy sean here.

January 19, 2004 0

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wow. my trip to nyc was seriously off the hook. i cannot even begin to explain it. but i will try, as cracked out & tried as i am…

so, our game plan was to drive up to scarsdale, a suburb about a half hour north of the city so that we could drop off the car at my relatives’ place (free parking!) & take the train for $6 into grand central. well, we got a little lost in scarsdale, but no biggie…we still made it in decent time & we were ready to start off the weekend! we started it off by going the wrong way on the metro north & having to get off at the end of the line. we’re just like, fuck. the train guy didn’t say anything to us about the fact that we were going to white plains when our tickets said grand central & of course we didn’t get a receipt, so there went the hope of explaining the situation to the train guy on the train going the right way, & not having to buy another ticket. so that sucked. luckily, we didn’t have to wait long, as a train was coming heading into nyc. it was at that point that i realized all you have to do is look up at the sign above the steps to know which direction you’re heading. i had never even thought to look.

so since the train was there, we didn’t have time to buy our tickets out of the machine. we had to pay cash on the train & pay $9. so that was $9 pissed on. ironically, we had missed the train we had originally planned on taking, so the train we got on was the train we would have taken anyway, had we not been idiots. so at least no time was lost.

so we’re finally at grand central, & we have to take some subways to get to where we’re going. we got the first one right, but as you can probably guess, we went the wrong way again. we were like, ok, the N…this is good. of course, telling people who aren’t familiar with new york to go downtown does no good when faced with the N train going to astoria. like i’m supposed to know that astoria is in the wrong direction! so we figure out something’s wrong & get off in queens. for the love of god, just getting there was proving to be a challenge. interestingly enough we still beat the philly boys, but we totally tacked on an unnecessary hour to our trip.

[all right, i’m saving the actual events of the weekend (with pictures!) for my next post]

now, lets fast forward to today’s trip back home. so we hang around until about noon or so & decide it’s time to hit the road since there’s a kind of a slushy mix weather thing going on, & my friend didn’t like the idea of driving in snow. so you better believe we made sure to go the right way on all of our trains, & all was well. until i called my aunt to let her know we were coming to get the car. no answer. & then we get to scarsdale. & it’s a full on blizzard that came out of nowhere. & we were now faced with a dilemma. my relatives aren’t home…now what the fuck do we do?? so i convince them that we should walk to the house, because it’s close & i walked once before with my cousin. this was also not in 5 inches of snow. so god only knows how long we walked for, but it’s kinda uphill & we were carrying bags. we make it to the house & we realize that there’s a firebird blocking us in. & the house is locked.

this is turning into the most ridiculous trip into hell, as the weather is not letting up & pretty untraceable, on top of this. so i call my cousin & i’m like, um, we’re at your house, & it’s snowing & your parents aren’t home, & we’re blocked in, & it’s locked. so he told me to go to the neighbors to get the key. of course, these people are like wtf is this chick in a cheetah print coat doing? i’m like begging, pleading that i am in fact related & allowed to go in the house, even offering to show i.d.

so we get the key & are just chilling inside, glad to be warm. now, we could have easily just stayed in scarsdale for the night, but my friend really had to be back for an 8 am class. so we decided to wait it out. it finally stopped snowing around 4 (6 inches of “light snow” … light snow my ass) & we waited a few hours for the roads to be plowed. & so we left at 6. & made it home by 10:30. soon as we hit jersey there was like, no snow & a only faint mist on the roads. the shit was unbelievable because it just came out of nowhere & i swear was only in southern west chester county.

yeah, so that was just the traveling part of the trip…

January 16, 2004 0

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baggy long underwear well, i didn’t get another interview for the job. that’s the way the cookie crumbles, i guess. i’m not even that bummed out, surprisingly…maybe for the fact i never thought i had a real chance anyway. besides, there’s a few things i want to do here. but that wont deter me from moving to chicago! i got all of 2004 to get there…

now, i should let you know that i hate cold & i hate wind. yet despite these facts, & the fact that i’ve never even been there, i still want to move to chicago! but i figure there will be ways to make those winter months less unbearable. i want low-rise long underwear! normal long underwear is baggy crotched, up to my armpits & just doesn’t fit under low, tight jeans. but why is it so hard to find low-rise long underwear?? i only found 1 pair on this ski clothing website, & it was insanely expensive. are there not people in alaska & canada who live in arctic temperatures who like to keep warm while also wearing tight fitting jeans? where is the low-rise long underwear?? more importantly, where is the inexpensive low-rise long underwear? i don’t think i ask unreasonable things. they make low-rise pantyhose, someone’s obviously on the right track. so, this is where i ask for your help, dear readers, in finding them.

well, i’m off to new york city for the weekend.

January 13, 2004 0

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argh, i dunno how i did on my interview. it wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great. so now’s that wonderful waiting time, where i drive myself insane with “what ifs” & think about all the answers i should have given. this real life stuff blows. why couldn’t my dad be aaron spelling or someone? then i could be filthy rich & star in popular tv shows & bad movies of the week, even if i had disproportioned facial features & no talent. job searching sucks, interviewing is nerve racking, & rejection is crushing. i’d rather just be handed something sweet.

anyway, i got my coat back from the tailor today. the cuffs are a bit bigger than i’d anticipated, but it’s ok…it looks a lot better in the arms, & i have more cheetah print showing! also i don’t have to hunch up my shoulders at all anymore. i used to do that so my arms wouldn’t stick so far out at the bottom. i think i’ll make a hall rug or something with the rest of the old ebay coat fabric…i can’t resell that.

coat before

coat after


i also got my pink floyd poster & dark side of the moon t-shirt last week. they kick so much ass. i got my poster put on that poster board stuff so it wont get ripped & creased & shit.

pink floyd poster

January 9, 2004 0

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so as you’ve probably noticed, i changed up the site a bit. i told you i would! i don’t put as much effort into it, so i wanted something a bit simpler & easier to change, in case i add more things or get rid of some old things. i’m going to work on the pictures pages some more & i added a new section called volunteer. i think it’s going to be a volunteer resource list, as well as my list of places i’ve volunteered, since i love volunteering so much.

right, so anyway, i was originally going to write about how yesterday some lady from aflac grabbed my résumé off & wanted to set up an interview with me ($20 says this is some sort of telemarketing deal), but that would overshadow my TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME NEWS OF TODAY!

i have a phone interview for a job i actually really want with the illinois arts alliance foundation! in chicago! totally arts & culture! it’s only for administrative assistant, but the job duties look like, *gasp* fun (for a job) & the opportunities i’d open up for myself would just be more perfect than perfect! so the question is…do i feel lucky? i’m almost tempted to give miss cleo a ring…

January 9, 2004 0

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i kick so much ass. nevermind why, i just do. too bad i can’t take this drive & funnel it into something useful like getting my dream job.

yeah, so anyway, even though it’s already a week into 2004, i want to recap 2003 & set out my goals for 2004, for my own records. last year i didn’t really have a specific resolution…more like general goals to accomplish. they were pretty much along the lines of wanting to be more comfortable being me, not letting fear stop me from living life to the fullest, not letting stupid shithead guys fuck with me…just becoming an overall better person blah blah blah.

so lets see what i accomplished in 2003, after a less than lovely start:

  • quit smoking

  • graduated college

  • did a huge thing going to australia & meeting my best online bud

  • got over my “mr. big” (if this makes no sense to you, shame on you! go watch some sex & the city)

  • found my career calling in non-profit

  • started volunteering

  • got the new furry love of my life, miss bunny

& overall i feel more confident & happy with what i have, instead of what i don’t have. & these are just the big things, i haven’t even covered everything! so i have to say, it was a good year. didn’t seem like all that much happened, but laying it out, i think i did ok for myself. of course, i still find myself holding back, & i’m not as assertive as i’d like to be, but i’m a work in progress. these are things i will continue to strive for in 2004 & beyond. now my motto for 2004 is CHICAGO OR BUST!*

* or any job/city combination that doesn’t suck too hard.

& now, after that inspiring post, my greedy ungrateful side really needs to get something out. when i go to new york to visit the relatives every christmas, they always throw a little birthday party for me the last night i’m there. i get a cake & sometimes presents. well, this year there was nothing. you know, kinda sucked, but no big deal. but if that wasn’t bad enough, i never got a christmas or birthday card from my grandmother this year. of course, the reason that sucks is because those cards come with checks. i forget how much i get, but i get at least $40 with the combo of the 2. so that’s $40 i didn’t get this year. i also didn’t get acknowledgement! my grandmother has a ton of grandkids, so i know it’s hard to keep track, but it still blows to feel forgotten. i could tell her, but it’s probably better off that she doesn’t know. & i wont tell you guys about her upcoming surgery, cuz that would make me a shitty person for complaining about not getting money. & i’m not a shitty person.

but i feel better now. thanks for listening.