Archive for June, 2004

June 30, 2004 0

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dear abby,

i’m trying to decide if i should cut through the golf course by my house as an alternate walking route for when i want to mix things up. the thing is, i don’t know if i really should. ok, let me explain. there’s a walking/biking path right along the edge of the golf course that eventually goes away from the course & wraps around the neighborhood. the path sorta forks & this unpaved path goes through the middle of the golf course that eventually comes out by a road to take you to the other part of the golf course. i want to walk down this path & i know it’s not like it’s illegal or anything…but i feel that the golfers might not like it & that i might be committing a faux pas. i’m obviously not there to golf & i could feasibly get hit with a golf ball. i certainly can’t hear four!!!!!!!!!!!!!! while i’m jamming out to the radio. i’ve never seen any walkers or joggers go down that path and i feel like it’s this unspoken rule. kinda like how if you’re a guy you don’t use the urinal right next to another dude. you just don’t do it. & i could see the resentment at my walking down the path right out in the open in the middle of the golf course that people are using, when i have my own designated paved path. are there any golfers out there who can enlighten me on golf course etiquette? i am totally overanalyzing this, & i know i should really just walk down this path & say fuck it if that’s what i want to do. but i dunno, i don’t want to pull a no-no. please give me some advice!

– pissing off golfers in pennsylvania

June 24, 2004 0

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do i see twins?!?!

i seem to be having some sort of identity crisis. i think i’m the verizon wireless guy, only instead of going “can you hear me now? goooood!” i’m saying “can you hear me now? … hello? … HELLO??” ever since i got this replacement phone, half of the time no one can hear me or i cut out & sound like i’m in some wind tunnel. great! nobody calls me anyway, but i will have like, negative people calling me if this phone continues to act up.

& speaking of identities…the other day someone sent me an email claiming that i look like john kerry’s daughter. of course i took offense because she has that oaf-look like her dad. but then i was looking through camrecord archives from when i was typing up some notes & christ, i hope it was just the angle, but i looked terrible. i usually have too much pride to show pictures where i look like ass, but what the hell!

alexandra kerry
terrible picture

N E way…i never mentioned this, but i am on my way to hollywood stardom. oh yes, you can all say you knew me when i was an internet nobody, before i rocked out the pbs circuit. i’m going to be in the educational documentary video on this local woman who was one of the first women architects. i doubt much of my face will be shown, since this lady is chubby and homely, 2 things i really like to think i’m not…but it doesn’t matter! i’ll be in this video, which is all that counts. yesterday was the surprise costuming day. i haven’t shaved my legs in weeks & was wearing my stinky sandals. so yeah, i was caught off guard. & it didn’t help that yesterday was the last day to win the big radio contest. i missed out on several opportunities to win…grr…

filming for that will be in a couple of weeks, so that will be cool. this might motivate me enough to get my tv tuner working so you all can see.

June 19, 2004 0

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ok, here’s a barf-o-rama, sappy, un-rhitardesque thing that i wrote the other day. sometimes i can be really queer, & i decided i didn’t want to post this after i went back to being my usual bitter, pissed off self. but fuck it, here’s an excerpt:

in this little roller coaster that is my life, i was up for awhile. of course down is the natural precession to being up, & i knew it was only a matter of time before it would come. & it came. but things are starting to come back up again, & it’s at those times when i find myself most insightful & pensive. to switch analogies, on this highway that is my life, i took a little detour awhile back. and i have arrived at the same point in this highway that i would have originally been on, had i not taken that little detour. same situation, yes, but this detour did bring a little heart break & a bruised ego…or to put a more positive twist on it, “life experience.” but here i am. & things are starting to pick up again.

i think that all things happen for a reason. i find that this thinking brings a feeling of comfort and optimism. i find myself thinking, “wow that really fucking sucked” when something bad happens, but i know things will get better, and i always learn a lesson, or gain experience, or whatever from it. you never see it when you’re down, but you do
when things get better.

alright, enough of that. i go on & on & on. & i’ve decided that even though things seem a little better, i’ve still gotten myself into a shitty situation & i need to sort things out. blah. the main thing is, i’m a little frustrated with life right now. i’m sure everyone knows what that is like.

i decided today that i shouldn’t spend all day cooped up inside, so i walked around outside, equipped with this really tacky mini radio scanner that my dad bought at an airport. even though i’m exhausted and sweaty, i feel a little less like a worthless sack of shit excuse for a human being. it actually felt…kinda good. i think i’m going to go walking tomorrow, too. i’ll keep this up until i go back to being lazy, or it starts to get cold. we will see. but i definitely gave my body, mind & soul a bit of exercise today. there’s a nice little path by my house, and i know there are several other ones on the other side of the neighborhood i can walk down. i also plan on going hiking this summer, & i know that being out in nature will really make me feel good. sure, my problems haven’t gone away, but that knot in my stomach has, which is a start. but don’t worry, i doubt i will get into yoga or any of that spiritual shit any time soon.

hmm, i wasn’t planning on this being uberlame like it’s turning out to be. actually i was! i was going to write about all the nostalgia i felt walking down this path near my school, a path i used to walk & ride my bike on over 10 years ago. it was so different then. now there’s houses being constructed and there used to be this field and these deep woods near my elementary school. in the field there was this one circular island-like thing of trees. you would go inside & it was like this little fortress. it was so cool. my little buddies & i would hang out there all summer. & when we got a little older we’d smoke cigarettes there. but it’s gone now. some apartment/townhouse complex thing is there. it kinda made me sad…

alright, enough of this. time to watch tv or something.

& for the love of god, will someone please get me penthouse off my wishlist? i mean, come on…it’s been on there for years & i really really want it!

June 11, 2004 0

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fuck ronald reagan & fuck the post office. i really needed to get a package mailed, so i take my ass into the rain to settle shit at the post office. i was so happy to get such a great parking spot, but of course you would get a great spot when the place is closed. so now i get to hang out in line for like 4 hours at the post office with all the people who didn’t get to go on friday plus all the people who go on saturday anyways. oh boy i can’t wait!!!! & my in living color dvd was supposed to arrive today. ups almost always ships my amazon stuff…but who was delivering my dvd this time? the god damn united states post office. i was planning an all-night marathon but noooooooo ronald reagan had to go die. it was a fucking week ago, people! they couldn’t have done this last monday??

June 10, 2004 1

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this weekend i did my annual volunteering with the special olympics. obviously the people who run the special olympics might be candidates for athletes, as 7:30 a.m. on saturday can in no way be considered afternoon. but because i’m such a good sport, i hauled my ass down to the bowling alley at 7:45, only to have to wait there doing nothing for an hour. & here’s the best story of the weekend. i’m at my lane waiting for the rest of the bowlers & this guy comes into the area & i’m like, oh he’s cute (yeah, i’m sure you can see this one coming). surprise surprise, he’s a special olympics athlete. i know how to pick ’em! but i swear, he didn’t seem retarded at all. but i guess there has to be something wrong with you to qualify for special olympics. as special as i am, i don’t think they’d let me compete.

so there’s my story. you know, i have all these great things to write about all the time, but then i just don’t & i get too tired to post or i forget things. ahh too bad.

i had this big spiel about how lame high school is, & how annoyingly stupid high school girls are. go to any teeny blog & you can see how ridiculous it is…especially when talking about boys. & i know i was that much of an idiot & i can be so thankful that i didn’t have a blog back then to further embarrass myself. all this was sparked by seeing that my 8th grade dream boat crush is getting married. my 8th grade year book is classic – that’s a damn good read right there.

that’s all you get because my brain is just drained. as much as i love volunteering, it’s like as soon as it’s time to actually do it, it just sucks the energy out of me & i find myself wishing i wasn’t volunteering that day.

oh, & let me tell you know that i ordered in living color season 1 off amazon. when i saw it in the video store i nearly crapped myself in excitement & i immediately bought it. i wasn’t even fooling around with begging on my wishlist, because that is one of my favorite shows ever. so as soon as that gets here, all my free time will be spent locked in my room watching hours upon hours of in living color. if i disappear for awhile, that is what i will be doing. i cannot fucking wait!

June 3, 2004 0

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alright, so i went to florida for a wedding & family get together. it was fun. our hotel was right on the beach. our hotel room was the closest one to the bar. i played in the ocean. i swam in the pool. i wanted to rape the jet ski rental guy. instead i rode the jet ski. that was cool. i got funky burn lines. i played texas hold ’em the majority of my trip. i got good cards, thus i kicked ass. my relatives have a nice house. the place where the wedding was held was nice. the wedding was ok, too. uh, i dunno what else to say?